...and baby makes 3!

Houses...long story short(ish):

2012-02-01T11:45:00.000-06:00

So, I could go into a lot of detail about the house situation, but it would be long, and I have approximately 30 minutes before Annabelle wakes up to make this post, wash my hair and put my makeup on.

So here's the run down:
Beginning of December--felt like God was telling me to fast from reading facebook and blogs, and pray for our house to sell. We had a few showings in the month of December.

December 23rd--Buyer came through the first time--really liked our house, but couldn't make an offer until after the first of the year.

December 31--Jason's side-job that he produced got canceled officially. 1/3 of our income was cut with the canceling of that show. (Me trying not to panic).

January 2nd--Buyer came through the second time.

January 5th--We got an offer on our house!

January 6th--Signed a contract with our buyer. Praise Jesus! We would close March 30th. But, we weren't sure what we were going to do since we didn't have enough money to stay in this house, let alone buy another one. Also on January 6th, Jason got a potential job offer to be a youth pastor in Morrison, IL. Could that be from God?

January 15th--Went to visit the church in Morrison, and both of us felt confirmation that we were to stay in Champaign. Still weren't sure what we were going to do.

Mid-Januaryish--God brought us a couple of miracles that equal the exact amount we lost from All Worship being canceled. WOW, God is good!!!

We started looking for houses again.

January 27th--fell in love with a house at 509 Dunbar in Mahomet, and made an offer.

January 28th--someone else fell in love with the same house, and made an offer.

January 30th--the seller went with the other offer. But God is STILL good, and we weren't worried.

January 31st--Went out to look at a few more houses. Fell in love even harder with 1307 Farley Ln. in Champaign. The Mahomet house doesn't even BEGIN to compare. Thanks to a blessing from my parents, after crunching the numbers we decided that we are going to make an offer.

...and that brings me to today! February 1st. My parents and Jason's parents are coming into town this evening to be extra eyes and walk through the house with us again. If it looks good, we are making an offer tonight!! Praying this one goes through.

Annabelle is 5 Months Old!

2012-01-26T21:30:00.000-06:00

I am sorry that I have been horrible about posting pictures! I have tons, but the computer that I keep them on is in her nursery. I usually post when she is sleeping, so that doesn't work out so well! I promise I'll get to them soon...

Likes:
Sitting up! She can't do it completely by herself yet, but she would much rather be sitting up than laying down.

Her exersaucer

Reaching for everything in sight

Mojo--everytime she looks at him she laughs!

TV. We were trying to avoid having her watch TV (and still do), but every time it is on, or a computer/ipad/phone is lit up and within her view, she can't take her eyes off of it!

Being worn in a wrap. Everytime she is upset, if I pop her in a wrap, she immediately calms down.

Dislikes:
Car seat (seriously, will she ever grow out of this?!)

Going to sleep

Having something taken out of her hand

Weight: Right around 15 pounds. She seems to be growing longer and skinnier.

Length: 24.5 inches

New things:
Laughing at everything! I LOVE IT. She has the cutest little squealy giggle and it makes me smile every time.

She is reaching for me, which is so neat. Unfortunately for Jason, she reaches for me when he's holding her, but that's okay. She is really doing loads better at being with Jason when I'm not around. He's been holding her a lot more often when she sleeps at the beginning of the night, so I think that is helping her get used to just being with him. Last week I went out with the girls for almost three hours, and she did great. It's so nice to be able to leave her with him now and not worry about it. Though, she still won't take a bottle, so I can't leave for very long. Oh well. I love her too much to want to be away from her very long anyway.

She has tried mashed potatoes, kiwi, and banana. We put little mashed up bits on her tray at dinner, and she gets some in her mouth just by playing with it. We are doing baby led weaning, so we aren't going to actively feed her. We will give her little bits of food we are eating and if she eats it, great, if not, great. My breastmilk can provide her all of the nutrients she needs, so we aren't going to be actively feeding her anything else.

Her hair is getting really long, it's fun. Her bangs are actually in her eyes if I don't clip them back, so we got lots of super cute bows from Emily's Etsy store, and they are the BEST bows I have seen, and super duper affordable (which is very important to our tight budget!). Annabelle rocks a great bow almost every day now.

Other:
She sleeps in her crib for every nap now, and--wait for it--she actually has a schedule!! She put herself on a nap schedule, and I didn't have to do anything. She takes 45 minute naps at 9:30, 12:30, and 3:30, and goes to bed between 6:30 and 7, usually. Around 9 p.m. she wakes up again for about an hour, then goes to bed with us. Since we co-sleep it's hard for me to remember how often she wakes up during the night, since we both barely wake up for her to nurse. I think she nurses 3 times between going to bed and the morning. For the hour before she wakes up she nurses a lot, and I think it's her way of staying asleep a little longer. She's up for the day around 7:30. Anyway, I am thrilled with her nap schedule, because I can legitimately plan for when to go out without worrying about her missing sleep. Granted, I am not strict about it, and if she is starting to get tired earlier or later, I follow her cues and put her down when she seems ready for it.

My baby is growing up so so fast. I just can't believe how old she is, and how much she is growing and learning! I held a newborn yesterday, and literally couldn't remember Annabelle ever being so small. And...it gave me a little baby fever, I'm not gonna lie! Since she still nurses all the time though, another baby is not even a thought, or possible. :)

Annabelle is 4 (and a half) Months old!

2012-01-16T11:19:00.000-06:00

This should have been a 4 month post, but I didn't get around to it until now. oops.

Likes:
Playing on the floor with toys

Rolling over (but not getting stuck)

Blowing raspberries

Sleeping with mom and dad

Being naked

Dislikes:
Car seat

Going to sleep

Sleeping alone

Weight: 14 pounds 14 ounces at her 4 month appointment. She's dropped down into the 50th (ish) percentile for both height and weight.

Length: 24 inches

New things:
Rolling over really well! She rolls front to back and back to front, and can make her way around a blanket pretty well now. If she sees something she wants, she can roll to get it. So neat!

She is also wanting to sit up more often. We sit her in her high chair now for dinner time and she plays with a spoon and some toys while we eat. The other day we gave her a blob of mashed potatoes on her tray, and she got some of it in her mouth. She seemed pretty indifferent to it, but it was cute :)

Talking up a storm! Annabelle is so vocal, and it is neat to listen to her sing or talk to anyone listening. When she is falling asleep now, she will usually "sing" herself to sleep in our arms.

Other:
As you have already read, Annabelle had her first trip to the hospital last week. That was so scary for us, but all of her tests came back clear. We don't know what happened, but whatever it was, we believe God healed her.

That's about all! Pictures to follow...

A Crazy Week

2012-01-11T22:53:00.001-06:00

Thursday: we got an offer on our house!

Friday: we sold our house, and Jason got a job offer we are seriously praying about.

Sunday night/Monday morning: both of cars were "broken" into. I say that in quotes because we actually left them unlocked. We got lucky for two reasons...others in our neighborhood were literally broken into, and they didn't take anything except my toll change. I even had my passport and social security card in the glove box because I had forgotten to take it out after going to the DMV. They didn't touch it. WOW. Praise God for that! Also for our dog barking wildly which we think scared them away.

This morning: oooooh this morning. This morning I called 911 for the first time relating to me, and took my first ambulance ride. Annabelle woke up from her early morning nap about 8:30. She hadn't even opened her eyes when she started fussing, then arched her back and went rigid. I picked her up and she let out this blood curdling cry that I have never heard before. Then she started grunting. I ran over to the changing table and took off her pjs, and she was soaked with sweat. Still hadn't opened her eyes, and kept going between the horrible scream and grunting. I picked her up and she stopped breathing for what felt like an eternity but was only probably 10 seconds. Foam started coming out of her mouth and I screamed for Jason to call 911. She let out this huge cough gag and started grunting again, not breathing normally. I laid her on her side in the changing table and her stiff body went limp, eyes rolling around and starting to close. It was the most terrifying moment of my entire life. Jason was on the phone with the dispatcher who told me to tell him when she breathed. Her breaths were shallow and far apart and I just kept yelling "breathe in the name of Jesus!" Her lips started getting pale and the dispatcher told me to put her on the floor on her back. I was ready to do CPR but as soon as I got her on the floor she started screaming again, thank God. Screaming = breathing. That was when the paramedics got there, and we ran outside barefoot with my pale naked baby in a blanket. They gave her oxygen on the way to the hospital which seemed to perk her up. After a few minutes she seemed almost back to normal, just tired and staring around.

Throughout the day they have done an EKG, chest X-ray, EEG, blood and urine test, and echocardiogram. They are checking her heart for any abnormalities and her brain for seizure activity. My thinking is that she had some sort of seizure, without convulsions, but there is no way to really know. So far her blood, urine, X-ray, and EKG look fine, and she seems back to her normal, happy self. We won't know about the other two trsts until morning.

Jason is at home tonight, and I am still in the ER with Annabelle because the whole hospital is full. No room at the inn. We are waiting for a pediatric bed but probably won't end up in one since they don't typically discharge patients in the middle of the night. So we made the best co-sleeping arrangement we could, putting the hospital bed up high next to the hospital crib, and that will have to do. Annabelle is sleeping soundly, and I am hoping a margarita magically shows up.

I'll post tomorrow when we know everything there is to know. Until then, we thank you for any prayers you can send up for us.

I hope the rest of the week calms down.

Jesus turned out okay.

2011-12-20T00:36:00.001-06:00

For the last, oh, 12 weeks, I have been worried about Annabelle's sleep and eating habits. The question that every.single.person. asks is, "is she sleeping through the night?" (WHY everyone asks that, I have yet to find out). And, every babycenter.com email, the bump.com email, and parenting email says that by now, baby should be STTN, and eating once or twice at night. Well, that stresses a momma out, let me tell you. My answer has been "no, she isn't, but that's okay!" but secretly I panic a little wondering why my child isn't "shoulding" like apparently everyone else's are.

Annabelle is not on a schedule. She eats when she is hungry, sleeps when she is tired, and doesn't particularly care to be without her momma. She won't take a bottle. She won't go to sleep without nursing 75% of the time, sleeps horribly in her crib, not great in her co-sleeper, and best in our bed with my boob close by at all times. She wakes up to snack many times at night. She doesn't have a consistent bedtime, and she naps only 45 minutes at a time unless I am napping with her.

I was pretty worried about those things. "They" say those things need to be "fixed," as if they are broken, or bad habits that will ruin her. I have read a zillion articles and books trying to figure out how to "fix" my daughter, never feeling like the solutions were right for her, or me, or us. We tried a bedtime for weeks and weeks, frustration building because she wouldn't stay asleep. We tried getting her to fall asleep on her own without nursing, but she clearly wasn't interested. We tried to get her to nap longer, but that was an uphill battle. I kept feeling worse and worse, like I was ruining my baby.

Then I started thinking about Mary and baby Jesus. Mary didn't have sleep books. Or the internet. Or a clock to time naps or plan bedtimes. She had her precious baby, her breasts to feed him with, and the maternal instincts that the Father blessed her with. They didn't have a crib, they didn't have pacifiers, they didn't have white noise machines or "baby tracker" apps on an iPad. She most likely slept with Jesus, nursed him whenever he cried, and carried him around most of the day.

And you know what?

Jesus turned out okay.

It may not be the norm, but Annabelle is doing fine. She is thriving, happy most of the time, and apparently is well rested, even if I am not always. We are doing what works for us, what feels right. We won't let her cry it out, give her formula to make her full, or make her sleep in her crib. God gave ME a maternal instinct, and it says we are doing okay. These days won't last forever, and I am positive that I won't look back and say, "man, I wish I would have cuddled her less, or breast fed her less, or napped with her less!" Quite the contrary, I'm sure.

So for now, no, she is not sleeping through the night, and no, she is not on a schedule. I'm done worrying and reading and "shoulding" my baby, and am happy to follow her lead, since she knows what she needs.

Jesus turned out okay, and I am pretty sure Annabelle will, too.

3 Month Fluff!

2011-12-07T13:07:00.000-06:00

Sleep

2011-12-04T00:51:00.001-06:00

My life now revolves around sleep.
When will Annabelle wake up in the morning?
Now that she's up, how much time do we have to run out before she is tired?
Is she tired?
We have to get home or she's going to melt down.
I thought she was tired, isn't this naptime, and why isn't she going to sleep?
When was her last nap?
How long was her nap?
Only 30 minutes? Should I try getting her back down?
Should I keep her up now or let her have a catnap before bed?
Is our bedtime routine good?
It's bedtime, she is clearly tired, shouldn't she be sleeping?
Will she ever let me put her down?
Why won't she sleep more than an hour?
It's 10:30! Why isn't she sleeping?
I could have written that book, "Go the F*^¥ to Sleep," that one guy published.
Okay she is finally asleep, dare I put her down?
ARRGGHHH why does she wake up every.time. I put her down?
Will I ever in my life sleep more than a couple of hours in a row?

That's basically my entire thought process all day. Every now and then there is a non-sleep related thought that pops up, and I am usually surprised when that happens and remind myself that life used to not be about sleep, and I used to have normal thoughts on a regular basis. Alas, no more.

Annabelle just went to sleep. Literally. It is 12:48 am. We have been trying unsuccessfully since 7:00.

We may or may not be getting out of bed tomorrow.

Annabelle is 3 months old!

2011-11-30T13:31:00.001-06:00

WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?! Though, for some reason this month has felt slower than the other two.

Likes:
Still loves nursing, although lately she has definitely been "snacking" a lot rather than having normal meals, per say.

Bath time, obviously,as you can see from the video.

Vibrating/bouncy chair.

Diaper changes.

The Moby Wrap

Sleeping with mom and dad. She sleeps better with us by far than in her co-sleeper or crib. Mommy, on the other hand...

She loves standing! She would much rather put her weight on her legs than be in a sitting position.

Dislikes:
Car seat. Still. The other day she was screaming so hard she gagged and I had to pull into a parking lot to get her out. She has started arching her back when I try to put her in it now. Man, I am telling ya! This is ridiculous!

Bottles--she will now chew on them, rather than screaming about them, but she still won't drink from one.

Pacifiers--same as the bottles.

THE SNOT SUCKER. Holy cow. She has been sick this week, and you would think we were cutting off her nose rather than just trying to help her breathe. I ordered a Nose Frida, which should come today, because I hear it works much better. We shall see...

Weight: 13 pounds and 3 ounces, on her 3 month birthday. She is still in the 75th percentile for weight, the 50th for length at 23 inches, and the 25th for head circumference. Mommy has always had a smallish head, too :) She is mostly out of three month clothes, though there are still a few things that fit. She is mostly in 6 month clothes though now. WOW!

Length: 23 inches

New things:
Sleeping in her crib more often during the day, and for the first part of the night until we go to bed. She doesn't hate it, but definitely doesn't sleep as well as with us.

She wants to stand alllll the time. Anytime her feet touch anything, she tries to push herself to a standing position.

She has started putting things in her mouth now. Whatever she has in her hand automatically goes to her mouth. This means that there is drool just about everywhere!

She has gotten really good at recognizing where sounds are coming from and turning her head to look at the object or person making noise.

Other:
Annabelle had her first shot, the DTaP. She didn't seem to have any side effects except clingy and not sleeping great the next few days.

We are working our way through Annabelle's first cold. That has not been fun. I hate seeing my baby struggle to breathe! Luckily she is on the upswing, so hopefully we'll be back to normal soon.

Photos coming in another post, because my camera is in the car.

Vaccines

2011-11-14T01:06:00.000-06:00

(photo from www.lipmantimes.com)
I mentioned that I'd be posting about vaccines, and I'm finally ready to do so! Disclaimer: This isn't a post to start a debate. It's to share how we came to our decision about vaccines, because I know a few people would be interested in it.

The standard for most people is to follow their doctor's recommendation of sticking with the American Academy of Pediatric's schedule of vaccines. There are currently 11 vaccines recommended, with a total of 26 doses of vaccines, including an annual flu shot, from 1-6 years of age.

Since I started learning and educating myself to take control of my body, health, and healthcare, I wasn't going to let this be something that I followed blindly. Jason agreed, so we (mostly me) started doing research about vaccines. I wanted to find out more about the diseases, what the vaccines contain, how they are made, and how effective they are. I got some great recommendations from friends and our pediatrician about books to read and websites to visit. The overarching recommendation from friends was to start with The Vaccine Book, by Dr. Sears. My pediatrician, Dr. Melvin at Carle, recommended the CDC's website, and the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia's vaccine education center on their website. I also did some reading on Mothering.com, a website geared towards natural parenting, checked out the Frontline documentary and information about vaccines, and watched a documentary from Dr. Tenpenny (a medical doctor in Emergency Medicine and Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine) about vaccines. Obviously, I tried to make my reading and research as well-rounded and inclusive as possible, not wanting to lean drastically one way or the other.

So, what?

I learned A LOT. A lot about diseases, and a lot about vaccines. I also learned that a lot of people out there are wacko, on both sides of the issue, saying things that are blatantly not true, or drastically over-emphasizing truths to scare people into making decisions. It's amazing what a hot-button issues this is. One of the things I researched was the link between autism and vaccines that a lot of anti-vaxing people hang on to. While the CDC and drug companies will say that vaccines don't cause autism, they have not proved that. They have done studies on mercury and thimerosol in vaccines, and don't show a link between autism and those ingredients. They have not, however, done longitudinal studies on vaccines as a whole and the link to autism. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I didn't find any research or studies for that.

I could go on forever talking about what I learned. Instead, I'll link to the spreadsheet I made. I wanted all of the FACTS, not opinions, down in one place. It was getting too complicated jumping all over the place. So, I made a spreadsheet with each childhood vaccine, information about the disease, epidemiology, information about the vaccine, and efficacy of the vaccines. The baseline of information was taken from The Vaccine Book, but then I cross-checked his facts and data with the CDC website and the CHOP website. I didn't put any information on there from the Frontline show, because I didn't have sources for it. Be default, some of Dr. Tenpenny's research is on the spreadsheet, because she used the CDC's Pink Book for her facts, which is also what I was looking at.

So, what are we doing?

This took a lot of talking and prayer for us to make a decision. Our faith does play into it, but it may not for you, and that's okay. We believe that God made our bodies to fight infections naturally, but we also believe that we live in a fallen world and there is obviously sickness, disease, and death. We also believe that God uses medicine to do amazing things, but that we can't put our faith fully in medicine without also having faith in God's miraculous healing.

Ultimately, we decided to do a selective, delayed vaccine schedule. We are going to be getting Annabelle immunized for DTaP, Hib, and Pc. When she is older she will get Hep B, and when she is even older, Meningococcal. She will be getting the DTaP this week (11 weeks old), and will be getting Hib and Pc at her 3 month appointment. We are choosing NOT to do Rotavirus, Polio, MMR, Varicella, Hep A, or Flu. It will be up to her if she wants to get the HPV vaccine when she is older and we explain it to her.

Here are the main reasons we made our decisions:
Hib can be very, very serious. It's rare, but when it does strike, it can be deadly or cause permanent brain damage. There was a 2nd grader in my school when I was in 5th grade that died from Meningitis (which is caused by Hib). The vaccine has a very low side-effect profile, and 2 of the 3 brands are chemical and preservative free. Annabelle will get this vaccine at 3 mos, 5 mos, 7 mos, and 15 mos.

Pc causes pneumonia and meningitis (among other things), which are very dangerous for babies and toddlers, with a 20-30% fatality. There are tens of thousands of cases each year, so it is relatively common. The vaccine doesn't have a lot of chemicals or preservatives. We are doing it when we do Hib, because it does have a slightly higher side-effect profile, so we wanted to pair it with a vaccine that has a lower profile in the hopes that it is easier on Annabelle. She will be getting Pc at 3 mos, 5 mos, 7 mos, and 15 mos.

DTaP vaccinates against diphtheria, tetanus, and pertussis. Ideally, we would have liked to separate these and only vaccinate against pertussis, but unfortunately there is no pertussis-only vaccine. Pertussis is the reason we are doing this vaccine. It is relatively common, and is very dangerous for babies. 75% of babies that get pertussis are hospitalized because they can't breathe or eat on their own. Unfortunately, there are quite a few chemicals and preservatives in this vaccine. There are three brands to choose from, and we are going to use the one (Daptacel) that has fewer chemicals, and is not processed with bovine (cow) serum. Annabelle will be getting this vaccine at 2 mos, 4 mos, 6 mos, and 18 mos, and maybe a booster at 5 years.

HepB is a sexually transmitted disease, transmitted through infected needles, and is very, very rarely transmitted through blood transfusion. Annabelle is clearly not sexually active, and the risk of transmitting it otherwise is so rare that we are choosing to skip HepB. She will probably get it when she is older.

Rotavirus is the most common cause of gastroenteritis (diarrhea and vomiting) in kids under age 5. Even with the vaccine, 95% of children will get rotavirus by the time they are 5 years old. Additionally, the virus can be transmitted through children from the vaccine itself up to 15 days after being vaccinated. Rotavirus isn't very dangerous. The most serious issue is dehydration, which is treated by IV fluids. Because the virus is so common, isn't that serious, and Annabelle is not in daycare (where it is most commonly transmitted), we are choosing to skip this one.

Polio has been completely eradicated in the US since 1979. There have been a few cases since then, but they were found to have been brought in by someone from another country, so they aren't counted as "naturally occurring polio," and it is still considered extinguished in our country. Because of this, the vaccine's chemical/preservative content, and because we aren't planning on doing any international travel, we're skipping this vaccine.

MMR is the vaccine that is most often "linked" to autism by parents. It vaccinates against measles, mumps, and rubella. All three diseases have fewer than 50 cases per year nationwide, and it's rare that the diseases are serious. The vaccine is processed using cow, chicken, and human cells, and has quite a few chemicals and preservatives. It's list of rare but severe side effects is very long. Because of all of these things, we are not going to do the MMR vaccine.

Varicella, or Chickenpox is a relatively new vaccine, out since the mid-90s. Chickenpox isn't a serious disease (although complications can develop in adults or children with suppressed immune systems). The vaccine is only 70-90% effective, and has a few chemicals and preservatives. We all survived the chickenpox with nothing more but some discomfort, so we're not going to do this vaccine.

HepA protects against Hepatitis A, which is transmitted through stools and affects the liver. It is rarely a serious disease, but can cause liver cancer in a very small percentage of people. The vaccine has a higher side-effect profile, as well as higher percentage of chemicals/preservatives. Since it is not very common or dangerous, we are skipping this one.

Flu shots are not given to babies under 6 months of age. There are two different vaccines, a live vaccine (nasal spray) and an injection that is not live. There is a much higher chance of actually having flu-like side effects with this vaccine, and the vaccine is not all that effective. Jason and I aren't getting the flu vaccine, and neither will Annabelle when she is old enough to.

Meningococcol and HPV are both vaccines that she can get when she is older if she/we decide to.

So, what about the doctor?
Well, I originally chose our pediatrician after a few people recommended him, and I interviewed 5 different doctors. He seemed the most flexible when it came to vaccine schedules and holistic medicine. Unfortunately after our 2 month visit, he has proven himself to be a little less flexible than I originally thought. He was very condescending and almost rude to us when we explained why we would/wouldn't be doing certain vaccines. I also had a very hard time when I told him we wanted a certain brand of DTaP, and he refused to write a prescription for us to pick it up at the pharmacy and bring to him. We are going to be switching to my "second choice," a really nice family medicine doctor at Christie Clinic. There are NO doctors that I know of who in the area who will just let parents make vaccine decisions without attempting to educate them and challenge them a little bit to make sure they aren't just making the decision on a whim. I can appreciate that--it's their job. But, we are firm in our decisions, and are quite prepared and armed with information should we have to defend our choice. We are planning on getting a religious exemption when it comes time for school (I realize our decision isn't entirely based on our religion, but it's the only kind of exemption out there that I know of!)

Phew! Long post, I know. But, it's super important to me to be educated about decisions that I make for myself and now my daughter's health-care. I've talked to a LOT of people in the last few weeks about vaccines, and it was helpful to get other people's opinions and experiences. Hopefully all of this information helps educate some of you for your own decision making.

Bath time!

2011-11-13T09:50:00.000-06:00

Please ignore my bedhead :)

Being a mom is awesome.

2011-11-09T23:02:00.000-06:00
It just is. There is no way around it. It's hard, and emotional, and scary, and exhausting, but it is so, so great.

I love when she wakes up and sees me smiling down at her and she cracks this huge toothless grin--makes me laugh out loud in joy every time.

I love breastfeeding--it is SO amazing knowing that my body is keeping her body alive. I love her cute smiles with milk spilling out of her mouth, I love the "wandering hand" that holds onto my shirt, or gently rubs my chest, or reaches up towards my face. I love when she falls asleep after feeding and the look on her face is just so heavenly peaceful.

I love the hugs, and cuddles.

I love how each tiny new thing she does is just utterly amazing to me.

I love that she depends on me for her life. Wow, how powerful!

I love LOVING her. It's so overwhelming...I could never, ever find the words to describe the utterly amazing amount of love I feel for this tiny human being. My heart feels like a volcano exploding out of my chest sometimes...like it's too much to even bear! And, what an amazing taste of the Father's love for us. Wow.

I love watching her sleep--so peaceful, untouched by the harmful things of this world.

I love knowing that she is partly me and partly Jason, and she was so wanted. God knew it was going to be her the whole time, and that is incredible. The miracle of life is incredible and amazing.

I just love her.

Halloween

2011-11-05T15:53:00.001-05:00

My precious baby girl was a cow for Halloween.

We didn't do anything except take her out in the yard to take pictures. It was too cold to take her trick-or-treating, and I think people would have been suspicious considering she's not even supposed to be drinking water yet, let alone eating candy :)

Jason made a pun...we're a family of raCkOWS. haha!

We love her so much!

Annabelle is 2 months old!!

2011-10-31T16:28:00.000-05:00
Ready? "WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?!"

I promise, I will say that every time. I just can't get over it.

I also will probably continue to expound on how beautiful and smart she is, because she's my kid, and that's what moms do. Let the expounding begin...

Likes:
Nursing. Loves it. She nurses all the time, and anytime she is even slightly upset, the boob fixes the problem. It's great, I love being a human pacifier! Well, sometimes. Other times I want to super glue a pacifier to her mouth to get her to like it instead of just me, but I know that's abusive and wrong and really I would never do it. Sometimes I just want to.

Bathtime, still. I get in with her most of the time and she floats and kicks and gets this wide-eyed look of wonder on her face. It's adorable, and she smiles a lot, so I know she likes it.

Being held...another of Annabelle's favorites. She would like to be held all the time if she could. Most of the time I happily oblige because I know that sometime down the road, she's not going to want to be held anymore. And when that day comes, I know my heart will break into a million pieces, so I'm soaking up all of the holding time I can now. Yes it's tiring, yes it's sometimes annoying, and yes, I would like to put her down to get stuff done sometimes, but really, it's just special and wonderful.

Vibrating/bouncy chair.

Diaper changes.

The Baby Soother app I downloaded on my ipad. It has an ocean, a winter wonderland, and a desert landscape that lights up and plays music and has animals floating across the screen. It's a knockoff of this product, but is so much better because I can change the scene, and take it with me wherever we go. It hypnotizes her...amazing. Best $1.99 I ever spent.

The Moby Wrap

Sleeping with mom and dad.

Dislikes:
Car seat. Have I mentioned this enough? Probably.

Stroller. Because of the car seat.

Wet diapers. Wouldn't you?!

Bottles

Pacifiers

Little Tummies Gripe Water (makes the worst face ever when I give it to her)

Tri-Vi-Sol vitamins (tries to spit it out)

Weight: 11 pounds and 14 ounces, on her 2 month birthday. Now she's probably a good solid 12. She was in the 75th percentile for weight at her 1 month appointment, and I bet that's increased since then. I'm not surprised...she eats all the time. She's an emotional eater, just like her mommy ;) I've seen a few newborns in the past few weeks, and it makes me nostalgic already. She's wearing 3 month clothes now, and could probably even wear a few 3-6 or 6 month onesies or sleep-and-play sleepers.

Length: I'm not sure. We haven't had her 2 month appt. yet. I'm guessing 22 inches.

New things:
Smiling!! Oh the smiles!! They are amazing. These big, huge, toothless grins that just light up the whole room. I laugh every time she smiles because it is just so cute.

She's also using her voice a lot more, cooing and giggling, and we have pretend conversations pretty often.

Grabbing things. The first time she grabbed a toy in front of her was at Panera. I exclaimed to Tia that Annabelle is a genius. I'm guessing she's actually NOT, but it was pretty amazing to see her grab a toy within arms reach. Now she does it a little more consistently. She also grabs onto my shirt while nursing, and grabs onto my arm (pinches!) when she's mad.

She has stopped rolling from her tummy to her back. That was short lived. Oh well, she'll learn again soon!

During tummy time, she can now push up onto her forearms/elbows. I also exclaimed out loud to my empty house about what a genius she is when I saw that for the first time. I wonder if my utter amazement with her every move will ever pass...

Other:
We're working on her vaccine schedule right now. There is SO much information out there, it's hard to find reliable, trustworthy sources of information about vaccines and other potentially harmful things she could be faced with. I'll probably do a whole post about her vaccine schedule once we figure it out for sure. But, for now, I do know that we are not doing the CDC's recommended schedule, and we are not doing all of the vaccines. It's just a matter of figuring out when to do the ones we want. We are blessed to have a great pediatrician who is honest and up front about things, and open to working with parents to give their child the best care possible. This includes working on alternate vaccine schedules, so I'm really happy we're working with him.

We're also working on Annabelle's sleep. She doesn't nap well at all during the day unless she is being held (like right now--wearing her in the Moby, she's been asleep for an hour). We've tried tons of things to put her down, but the longest she stays asleep is about 20 minutes, tops. She obviously needs to sleep longer than that, so I hold her or wear her or nap with her, and that seems to work out okay. We still try to put her down for at least one nap per day in her crib, because I don't want her to think that every single nap means mommy will hold her. She also is not sleeping well at night, most of the time. She'll wake up every 2 hours and so we usually just pull her in bed with us so I can nurse her laying down and sleep through most of it. Last night though, we had an awesome night. She slept from 7:30-9:00 in my arms, then nursed, then slept for 4.5 hours in her co-sleeper, then nursed, then slept another 3 hours. After that she woke up more so we pulled her into bed. But that 4.5 hours was amazing. So was the 3 hours. I kept waking up to check her breathing to make sure she was okay. I'm hoping this is the start of a new trend so that mommy can get some sleep too!!

Fluff!

(I know, I have to get better about taking pictures of her, I only did it 3 different days this month! argh).

Baby Stuff Part 2: Things I Don't Love as Much

2011-10-31T15:48:00.000-05:00
Time for Part 2.....

We bought/registered for/borrowed a few things that I thought we would really need with an infant, that I don't love as much as I thought I would, or that Annabelle doesn't like, or that we just don't use. Here goes...

Things I Don't Love as Much:
1. The swing. I'm soooo glad we didn't buy a swing, and that no one bought the one on our registry. We ended up borrowing one from my friend Amy (Thanks Amy!!), which helped both of us--got it out of her baby-stuff-graveyard in the basement, and saved us $150. Well, Annabelle doesn't like it. I've heard of babies who love the swing so much they have to be weaned off of sleeping in it, but that is not my daughter. She will sit in it for about 3 minutes and then start crying. I've tried all of the different settings, and swinging both sideways and front to back, but she doesn't care. It's just not her cup of tea!

2. The bathtub. We got a great one, and did use the accessories that came with it the first 6 weeks (a foam mat and a sling to put in the sink). It was fine for when she was super tiny and we were scared to death of dropping her. We used the actual baby bath tub for a few baths, but it was awkward to bend over the tub, and just didn't seem super necessary. We use it every now and then, but mostly now I just get in the regular tub with her and support her while she floats and kicks. It's easier, more fun, and good skin-to-skin bonding time. I'm sure we will still use it every now and then, but if you are tight on budget, I would say it's not a requirement. The sink and regular tub would suffice.

3. Seven Sling. I got one of these slings because they always have promo codes floating around for a free sling, only pay shipping. wahoo! I thought it would be great. I don't know if I got the wrong size (I don't think so, according to their website), but Annabelle doesn't fit. Even when she was a newborn it was hard to get her in it, and it looked uncomfortable and cramped. Definitely not on my list of things to try again.

4. Stroller. We got the Graco SnugRide Infant Car Seat Frame Stroller, because I didn't want a huge "travel system," and those strollers got bad reviews for the most part anyway. Since Annabelle doesn't like her car seat, that automatically means she also does not like the stroller, since she has to sit in her car seat to be in the stroller. Obviously most people love their strollers and so do their babies, but me and mine do not. If we go into a store I wear her in a carrier, and if we're on a walk, I wear her in a carrier. I've used the stroller a whopping 3 times in 2 months. It's unfortunate, because it really is a great stroller. Super easy to use and collapse. Oh well. Looking forward to getting a jogging stroller next spring--hopefully she'll like that more since she'll be bigger/older/won't need to sit in her car seat.

5. Huggies Pure and Natural diapers. We bought these diapers for her first two weeks of life (meconium + cloth diapers = yuck), and also bought them to have on hand for when cloth diapers wouldn't be as convenient (ie. going to Michigan). Unfortunately, these diapers STINK! pun intended. When she was little, I figured the leaking was just because she was so little. But when we went to Michigan, she had more blow-outs and leaks than ever. It was gross and annoying, especially being out and about the whole time. A friend that was with me suggested we use Pampers instead, so I'm going to probably donate the rest of these diapers (I think I have like 100 of them left, bummer) and get some Pampers or some other brand. I just really wanted some that would be safer for her little bum, not full of chemicals and bleach and stuff...we'll see what we can find that works better. Needless to say though, these diapers do NOT have my recommendation.

6. Any and all pacifiers. Annabelle doesn't like them, so they were a waste of money. And, a lot of money at that. We literally ended up buying every single kind that Target has. I'm not joking. She doesn't like any of them. I hope they work for your kids, I really do! But for us, they were a waste. Had I known, I would have just stuck with the free one from the hospital. (or really, it probably cost $50, but whatever).

That's pretty much all for now. I tried to think ahead and not buy stuff I knew would probably be a waste, and I think overall we did a pretty good job. But, I'm sure there will be more stuff I come across and wonder why the heck I bought it in the first place.

Good luck to you and your registering! :)

Baby Stuff Part 1: Things I Love

2011-10-24T17:51:00.003-05:00
Now that Annabelle is almost 2 months old, I have definitely begun to realize that there are things we got that we are super glad we have, and things we have that we probably could have done without. I'm assuming this list will change over the next year, but so far, here are my thoughts:

Things I love (in no particular order):
1. Summer Infant SwaddleMe Sleep Sacks. By far, this is the one item we have gotten that we could NOT have lived without so far, and especially the first 7 weeks of her life. She's starting to need them less in the last week, though we still use them about 50% of her sleep time. Most babies love to be swaddled, from what I've read. It mimics the womb feeling. If you've ever seen a nurse swaddle a baby, you know they are pros. I, on the other hand, am not. I googled swaddling, and followed YouTube videos and diagrams, but Annabelle always seemed to work her way out of it. The SwaddleMes, on the other hand, velcro tightly around her so that she can't wiggle out. On more than one occasion, simply swaddling her was like a magic wand to stop crying. They also are super handy for putting babies down to sleep. Annabelle falls asleep in our arms, and 9 times out of 10 wakes up as soon as we put her down, no matter how gently. When she is swaddled, though, she typically stays asleep. It makes the transition from arms to crib or co-sleeper much more smooth, and we appreciate that, believe me. We only registered for the S/M size which says it goes up to 14 pounds. I could see that working width-wise, but not length. At 10 pounds, Annabelle was too long and her legs were getting really cramped in there. I bought the next size up (L), and that works much better for her now.

2. Carter's Bumble Cuddle Me Music Bouncer chair. We didn't really start utilizing this chair until about 3 weeks old, but holy cow am I glad we have it! Annabelle loves sitting in it when we turn the vibration on. When I'm gone, it is one of the only things that will soothe her if she's fussy with Jason. She can sit in it for extended periods of time (like 30 minutes) and is perfectly content. This means that mommy gets not only a shower, but blow dried hair, makeup and clothes on every morning. Talk about a wonderful product! Annabelle is transfixed by the little bugs hanging down, and the vibrations soothe her both physically and aurally. It makes great white noise when it is vibrating. The only catch is that the vibrations turn off after about 20 minutes, and if we don't catch it and turn it back on, she starts getting fussy pretty fast. Other than that, this chair is fabulous!

Side note: this chair makes her poop. I thought it was a coincidence at first, but now I know it's not. No matter what time of day, anytime I put her in this chair, she poops. Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. I don't know if it's the position she's laying in, or the vibrations, or a combination of the two. It's pretty funny though. :)

3. Moby Wrap. I have no idea what I would do without this thing. Annabelle (like most babies) loves being held and close to me. Obviously this makes things difficult if I want to get just about anything done around the house. Put her in the Moby though, and she'll be content and happy (and usually sleep!) while I get things done around the house. She also naps while I'm wearing her much better than if we put her down to sleep. (Crib naps are usually about 45 minutes tops. When I'm holding or wearing her, she'll sleep for a couple of hours). The Moby is great because Jason can easily wear her, too, without having to adjust size or anything like that. Annabelle hates being buckled into her carseat, so I wear her in stores and on walks, and she's happy as a clam.

4. Ergo Baby Sport Carrier with Infant Insert. The Ergo Baby carrier is entirely different than the Moby, and for me, serves a different purpose. It's more "heavy duty," and I wear Annabelle in it when I walk Mojo, go to the grocery store, or on vacation when we went for a hike...basically any instance that I want to wear her and need some additional lower back support, or when I need something to support her head when she's awake. (With the Moby, I have to support her head when she's awake. When she's sleeping, one of the fabric panels can slip onto the back of her head to support her). Jason likes the Ergo because it looks more manly than the Moby, for whatever that's worth :) The only down side is that right now she's still too little to use it without the infant Heart to Heart insert. The insert is great, don't get me wrong, it's just a little trickier to use, and adds additional bulk/heat to the carrier. It's a little bit harder to put her in it when I'm in the car because of that--I have to put her in the infant insert by putting it on the floor of the van, and then put them in the carrier together. BUT, I really love it, and couldn't get my grocery shopping done without it!

(side note--I wear her in stores because putting the carseat on top of the cart is super dangerous. Please don't do it. They aren't meant for that, and they can slip off a lot easier than you may think.)

5. Target Nursing Tanks. I bought a few of these because a few friends recommended them. They are GREAT and make nursing so easy. I wear one of these (sans bra) under shirts that don't pull down low enough in the neck. I just lift up the top shirt, and pull down the nursing part, and walah! Easy to do. Plus, they make nursing really descreet since you can't see my tummy, and my top shirt covers the top part of my chest. Annabelle's head covers everything else. I was actually nursing her while walking around Macy's with my mom, and my mom just thought I was carrying her--you couldn't even tell (this was partly b/c my tank was white and my tshirt was white. Obviously if you had different colors, it would be a little more obvious that one shirt was pulled up). Anyway, they are great, and I totally recommend them. I'm pretty large chested now (34 D), and they are supportive enough for every day stuff. Anything more vigorous than walking around and I would need a different bra, but these work great 99% of the time.

6. Bummis Easy Fit Diapers by TotsBots. I love these diapers! I know I have mentioned this before, so I will keep it brief. If you are doing cloth, these are the way to go if you can afford them. Super easy to put on, wash, dry, and they are incredibly absorbent and soft. Only downside is the price, around $23/ea. But, they are worth every penny, in my book!

7. Summer BabyTouch Digital Video Monitor. Okay, so I know a video monitor is not a necessity, but if you can afford it, it's the way to go! We *try* to put Annabelle in her crib for at least one nap/day, and for the first few hours of her night sleep while we are still up. This monitor totally gives me peace of mind, especially since she likes being on her tummy so I sometimes put her down that way. I can see if she is awake or asleep, make sure she is breathing, and when she is fussing in her half asleep state, I can check to see if she is ok. Love it! This particular model is in color, and has a touch screen to control the camera (zoom in and out, rotate the camera up and down, and turn it side to side. It will be especially great when she starts rolling out of view! This model also lets you talk back to baby, though we have just used it to talk to each other! haha. We found it cheapest on diapers.com, but they are sold at BRU, too.

8. My Brest Friend nursing pillow. Don't judge it by it's corny name :) I got this as an after thought from a friend (already had a Boppy ready to go) and I am so thankful for it! Don't get me wrong, the Boppy was great once we really got nursing down pat, and for tummy time and laying around on it. But, for those first four weeks or so, the My Brest Friend pillow saved me. Nursing was hard to get the hang of, and this pillow totally helped. I could wear it higher than the Boppy, and it is more firm to support baby better. Plus it has lower back support. I thought that was silly at first, but it really felt good to have after hours of nursing. It also has two raised spots on both ends to lift baby's head higher near the breast. It left me able to use my hands to position her better, and support my breast when she was still learning how to do it herself. I don't use it anymore now that we have gotten the hang of nursing (nursing as I type this!), but I would have really struggled without it in the beginning.

9. Fossil KeyPer Utility Tote (diaper bag). When I was shopping for a diaper bag, I was bummed to see that they all LOOK like diaper bags. I didn't want to carry around something all day long that looked lame. I was happily surprised when I found this tote bag at Bergner's. It is perfect for a diaper bag! It has three interior open pockets, a zipper interior pocket, and 4 pockets on the outside. It fits everything in it that I need, and even has coated fabric so I can wipe it out if I need to. If I didn't know better, I'd think that Fossil actually meant this to be a diaper bag but didn't want to market it as such. Anyway, I love it a lot, and am glad that I can say, "it's not a diaper bag, it's a Fossil tote!" (haha. Like it makes a difference.) I have to say though, since Annabelle was born, BRU increased their selection of diaper bags and they do have some cute ones now that I might consider for the next baby if this one is worn out or too small for two kids. We'll see.

10. Toyota Sienna. Lame, I know. But I love it. I can't help it. This car is super duper convenient to have a kid--it's obvious that it was designed by women!! I love how much space it has, how easy the automatic doors are, how adjustable the interior is, how many cup holders there are...there's even the cup holder for bottles. I'm not even embarrassed to drive it anymore! If you're looking for a car for kiddos, at least take a look at this one. You'll be sold once you test drive it.

There are plenty more items that I use daily and enjoy, but these are the ones I couldn't live without these first two months of motherhood. They have made my life easier by far!

Next naptime will be the things we don't really need that we thought we would...

Mommy is 1 month old!

2011-09-27T17:03:00.000-05:00
1 month has gone by since I became a mom. A MOM. That still sounds weird.

The Belly: I don't have a picture, I'm sorry. But, my stomach is pretty much back to normal, except for a little pooch of fat that I need to lose still. My skin feels different now that it's been stretched out so much, but I think that will probably change back to normal once I tighten my abs back up (yeah, like I will ever have time to exercise again! hah.)

I'm about 4 pounds away from my pre-baby weight, so that feels good. Yay for breastfeeding and automatic weight loss. I'm back in a few pairs of my pre-baby pants, and bought a few more a size up that are more comfortable. I also got a few new shirts that make nursing a little bit easier, which is nice.

Other "body" stuff: Breastfeeding has been an awesome experience. It was rough at the beginning, and we still have our moments, but overall it's amazing. Thanks to Jodi, the LLL leader, I now know that I have a strong let-down. My milk comes out really fast for a minute or so, and Annabelle can't keep up. She gets really mad and starts crying, then we have to work extra hard to get her to calm down and eat again. I'm working on dealing with that by hand-pumping a little bit right when my let down happens, or feeding her laying down or reclining in a chair to try and keep gravity at bay a little bit. It's a good problem to have--much better than if I had a low supply or something like that.

My stitches seem to be healing well, though things are definitely still sore. 3rd degree tears are not a walk in the park, my friends, I will tell you that! I'm really hoping that next time I don't tear as bad. I have a fear that I will, since I did this time. I guess we'll see what happens.

I'm tired a lot, which is to be expected with a newborn. I was amazed at how long the endorphins kept me going without much sleep. I didn't sleep at all the first 72 hours after her birth, and the few days afterwards only a few hours each day since I was on such a high. Now I'm getting probably 6-8 hours a night, though it's broken up into 2-3 hour chunks, so it doesn't feel like that much. I know that will get better with time though.

Emotionally: Feeling really good. I have had a few exhaustion-induced mini-meltdowns to Jason, usually in the middle of the night, but nothing extreme. They last about 2 minutes, and then I feel better and move on. Chalk it up to hormones and trying to figure out a newborn!

Processing my birth: Okay, so my birth experience. I've had a few people tell me how lucky I am that I had a great birth experience, and they are right. I felt really conflicting emotions afterwards, though, and had to process through that. I have pretty much figured out why I felt kind of bad afterwards. So, here's what it comes down to...

I--we--wanted to have a natural childbirth, primarily because it's the healthiest way for baby to be born assuming there are no complications or a distressed baby. That's why it was initially important to me, and to Jason. In learning about how to have a natural childbirth, we decided to take the Bradley class, and I chose to read books and online forums supporting natural childbirth. We watched videos, both on our own and in class that all showed natural births. Everything about "natural" birth that we learned about and saw was based on the theory that all one has to do is relax, and then it won't be all that hard...might even be an "orgasmic" experience. Every natural birth we saw and read about showed women quietly relaxing through contractions, and having this blissful birth experience. So, in my mind, natural birth = quiet, relaxed, calm experience.

In MY birth, I was able to relax through probably the first 9 hours of contractions. I wasn't all that quiet, but I wasn't out of control screaming either. The last few hours, I was really unable to relax. I was squirming, gripping Jason or Tia's hand, and crying out in pain. I felt like I couldn't get myself under control to relax through contractions. Then when it was time to push, I yelled even louder. I couldn't NOT yell. Everything in me had to just let the intensity come out somehow, so I yelled. My doula says that I wasn't ever really out of control, but I felt very out of control.

After my birth, I felt embarrassed, and really like somewhat of a failure. Not completely, since I was able to have Annabelle naturally like I wanted to, but a little bit. I couldn't quite figure out why at first. Now I know. I had this idea in my head of what natural childbirth was "supposed" to look like. It's the idea I had because it's basically what I learned about and have seen. Natural birth should be quiet, peaceful, amazing, etc... When my birth wasn't like that, I felt like I had failed at having the birth I wanted. But, thankfully, I realize that's why I felt dejected, and can get over it now. I know that there is NOT one "perfect, ideal" way to have a baby. Everyone has different ideas of how they want to have a baby, and everyone has different capabilities, bodies, minds, and spirits. No one labor is ever the same as another. I had a natural birth, which is what I wanted. MY natural birth was not super quiet, calm, relaxed, because that wasn't what I was capable of or wanted to do when I was going through it. I wanted to yell, and I needed to squeeze someone's hand, and I needed to have a bunch of people helping me through it. I didn't want to be alone, and darnit I didn't want to be quiet. And, that's OK. My birth was perfect because I had a baby. I had a natural childbirth, without drugs or other interventions, which is what I wanted! Just because it wasn't like the births we saw in movies or read about doesn't mean I failed in any way, shape or form. There is not one way to birth, there are a gazillion ways to birth, and mine was perfect for me. And now that I've figured that all out, I'm thrilled :)

Other: I feel like I'm starting to get into the swing of being a mom. I've been able to leave the house on my own and not feel completely out of control, which is an accomplishment! I have breastfed in an Old Navy dressing room, the Target cafe, a few different people's houses, the car (parked, of course), church, and Babies R Us. I have learned to nurse with a "hooter hider" on, standing up, one-handed, laying down. I have changed dirty diapers in public bathrooms, at people's houses, at church, and in the car (again, parked). My house is relatively clean most of the time, the laundry is caught up with, and I have figured out how to get out of the house in under an hour with a 4 week old. Life feels like it's falling into a semi-rhythm again, which feels good.

Meal Trains are amazing. We have had food brought to us almost every single day since Annabelle's birth, and I am soooooo thankful for that. It's been amazing not to have to cook lunch or dinner. What a blessing! I can't imagine having a baby and not being in such a supportive and loving church community. Now that I know just how much it matters, I'm looking forward to bringing meals to my other pregnant friends when they have their babies! (5 that I can think of off the top of my head!!).

Speaking of meal train...here comes dinner now :)

Annabelle is 1 month old!

2011-09-26T21:28:00.000-05:00

One month has gone by since Annabelle decided to grace us with her presence. Have I mentioned that I can't believe how fast time has gone?! I know, I will probably say that every single post. Sorry. I imagine that's a common thing for moms to say.

Size: I don't know her length exactly. I tried to measure with a tape measure but she was squirming a lot. I'm guessing she's about 21-22 inches long. She weighed in today on our baby scale at 9 pounds, 8.5 ounces. That's 2 pounds, 5.5 ounces more than when she was born. Wow! I'm not very surprised. Her cheeks are super chubby now, and she definitely is getting arm and leg rolls. So cute. She has outgrown almost all of her NB sized clothes, and is wearing mostly 0-3 or 3 month stuff. It's a little big on her, but I'm sure it's more comfortable than the tight NB onsies she was wearing.

New things: In her first month of life, Annabelle has grown so much. She has a ton of personality now compared to when we first brought her home. She makes silly faces when she's breastfeeding, has different cries for different reasons, and has started focusing her eyes on us when we sit in front of her. She can track things with her eyes now, and has started reaching for things sometimes. She can also roll over from her tummy to her back! It's pretty incredible that she can do it already. I thought it was a fluke until she did it four times in one day. Another new thing we are dealing with is baby acne. It started out just a few small spots, but now her whole face is covered. A couple of people have recommended California Baby Calendula cream, so we bought some at Target (wow it's expensive!) and I'm hoping it helps. Poor thing :(

Sleep: I'm afraid I'm going to jinx it by saying it, but we have had a few good nights/days in a row now. We started a bedtime "routine" of bath/wipedown, pj's, breastfeeding, book/prayers, bed. I know she's too young to understand that it's a routine, and she's too young to comprehend book and prayers, but I'm hoping she starts to notice cues soon. We put her to bed between 6:30 ad 7:30 in her crib. She wakes up a little bit after about an hour, but if I leave her alone she puts herself back to sleep. After her first wake-up we move her to the co-sleeper/our bed with us. She sleeps about 2.5-3 hour chunks at a time before waking up to nurse. I have gotten up with her in the morning between 8 and 9. Her daytime sleep is starting to appear as a morning nap, a midday nap, and an afternoon nap. Each are about 2 hours long. I'm sure now that I wrote all that down it's going to completely change, but it has been nice the last three days to notice a sort of pattern.

Likes: Still loves bathtime and breastfeeding, and diaper changes. She loves being naked. When she is in a very awake state, she likes tummy time, but only for a little bit.

Dislikes: She doesn't like a bottle. She took it a couple of times, but mostly won't. It's fine for now, but she's going to have to get over it before too long! When I start working my few hours at Christie, Jason will have to be able to give her a bottle. We'll keep working on that one. She also still really hates her car seat, though her crying fits have shortened a bit. I hate hearing her cry hysterically from the back seat. It breaks mommy's heart :(

Fluff! (sorry for some poor photo quality)

tummy time!

2011-09-22T11:59:00.002-05:00
This is a grandparent's video. In other words...you'll be bored unless you're a grandparent :)

3 Weeks Old!

2011-09-18T19:29:00.000-05:00
Annabelle is 3 weeks old! I can't believe how fast the time is going, and how big she is getting.
YAWN!
Size: Annabelle weighs close to 9 pounds now, and length-wise has outgrown her NB size footed sleepers. She still fits into NB onsies and pants though, so she's getting some more wear out of all the cute clothes people have given us.

Likes: Annabelle loves the Moby wrap! When I put her in that, she promptly falls asleep on my chest. She loves being close to mommy, and loves moving. She wants to bounce, rock, sway, dance...anything but sit still! She also likes having her diaper changed, and taking baths. Really I think she just loves being naked, but I'm happy she doesn't hate those things, since I hear most kids do. Annabelle also loves the boob. She'd pretty much be there all day long if I let her...some days I do just so I can sit and doze on the couch while she snacks away happily.

Dislikes: I think the thing Annabelle hates the most is her car seat. She screams bloody murder when I buckle her in. Pretty much nothing will calm her, since she won't take a pacifier (another dislike). This makes most car rides really hard for me, because I hate, HATE hearing her scream like that. But, I keep reminding myself that she's fed, dry, and safe, and if I sat and held her in the car, she would not be safe. I'm hoping she out grows this relatively quickly, since we are driving 7 hours up to Michigan in a couple of weeks. yikes. (Sorry in advance, Courtney and Matt, if she screams the whole time!! Bring ear plugs.) Another dislike is sleeping at night. Annabelle enjoys sleeping on mommy during the day, and very much dislikes sleeping at night these days. More on that later. The last dislike is wet diapers. She lothes them. That's fine with me--who wants their kid sitting in pee for a long time??

So, the sleeping issue. I'm not sure if it's considered colic or not...I know colic is crying for 3 or more hours at least 3 days a week for 3 weeks...so, she probably couldn't be diagnosed with colic right now since it's only been the past week or so that things have been really rough. She has some good nights, but more bad than good, it seems. I've heard the saying "days and nights mixed up," and that pretty well describes what we experience with Annabelle. She will sleep a lot in the afternoon/evening, and then wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed around 10 p.m. She stays awake eating or crying until around 1:00, then will sleep for a little bit, wake up and eat, and just be wide awake from about 3:00 to 6:00ish. Eventually she'll fall asleep on my chest, so I'll fall asleep, and we sleep until about 8:30 or 9:00. I know that co-sleeping is "wrong," but screw that, we're co-sleeping. It's the only way that I can get any sleep at all, and I know Annabelle is safe either on my chest, or next to me on a bare sheet with no covers or pillows around her. I'm so hyper aware of her anyway that the slightest awake movement wakes me up thinking she's ready to nurse again. She won't sleep more than an hour if I put her down in her Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper that we have next to the bed, so by 3:00 a.m. each night, I have pretty much given up on that.

On recommendation from a couple of friends, I am reading The Happiest Baby on the Block, and Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I am halfway through the Happiest Baby on the Block, and it really makes a lot of sense. The premise is the "4th trimester," the idea that babies are born still needing three more months in a womb-like atmosphere, and if they don't experience that, colicky behaviors spring up. The author does a good job so far of really explaining things well, and it makes a lot of sense to me. I'm hopeful that we'll have some good solutions by the end of the book.

Another new thing we're doing with Annabelle is cloth diapers! She's been in them for just over a week now, and they are working out well. We already started noticing a diaper rash using the disposables, even though we have the Pure and Natural ones, she was getting pretty red. So, we jumped to the cloth. We're using BabyKicks primarily during the day. They are a one-size-fits-all pocket diaper with a Hemp insert, so they are pretty absorbent. We tried using them without the insert using the newborn fold and snaps that they have when she was first born, but she was too heavy of a wetter to use them without the insert, and they were just too bulky for her when she was so tiny. Now that she's over 8 pounds, we are using the insert with them and adjusting to the smallest rise setting, and they are working great! I really like them, and we haven't had any problems with leakage during the day. We tried using them at night, and without double-stuffing them, we have had a couple of leaks. So now, at night, we're using Bummis Easy-Fit diapers. They are by far my favorite diaper. We've got a few Bum Genious and a couple of other brands, and hands down the Easy Fit rocks the house. If I had the budget, I would have bought entirely Easy Fit diapers for our stash instead of BabyKicks, but they are about $24 each, so that was not an option. We do have enough for overnights, and they are so awesome. Easy to put on, even when deliriously tired, and they are super duper absorbent. Even when she is really wet, I can't tell very much. The velcro is very strong, so they stay nice and tight, and the diaper itself is insanely soft on the inside, so I imagine that they are the most comfy for her, too. They don't have a lot of bulk, so even though she's still pretty small, they fit really well. I highly recommend them.

We are also using cloth wipes, which is actually much easier than I thought it would be. We have an empty wipes container and fill it with water and some essential oil, and just keep the wipes in there. We wring one out before using it, and they work great. Just toss them in the hamper with the rest of the dipes.

The only thing that is relatively annoying at this stage is how many diapers she goes through. Since she's still a newborn, she's using around 12-14 diapers in a 24 hour period. This kid pees a lot, and since she hates wet diapers, we're changing her sometimes every hour. That means that I'm washing diapers every single day. It's not a big deal, but I am looking forward to when she's older and we don't go through as many each day. Right now if I don't wash them each day, we run out. We have about a a 2-day stash. Last night she ended up in 'sposies again since we hadn't gotten the clean diapers out of the dryer before going to bed, and neither one of us wanted to deal with it in the middle of the night. Oh well. Thanks mom, for making sure we have a package of Huggies on hand!

My mom came down last week to help me out, since it was my first week with Jason back at work. She cooked for us every night, helped with laundry and cleaning, and most importantly helped me gain confidence in leaving the house with Annabelle. We started out with quick runs to Target, and ended the week with a trip the outlet mall in Tuscola. It's still a little intimidating knowing that this week I have to do it by myself, but I feel better about it. Just figuring out the logistics of diaper bag, carrier vs. stroller, where to change/feed her, etc... is a little unnerving. I'm sure we'll figure it out though--everyone else in the world has! At the end of the week my dad came down for a day, and he babysat Annabelle while my mom and I ran to the mall for about an hour and a half. I was so nervous the whole time, but of course my dad did fine (he raised two of his own, clearly). Annabelle slept the whole time. I'm so thankful for my parents and their help!

Okay, lastly, here's some fluff!
Annabelle sits in the bouncy seat while I get ready in the morning. She lasts about 10 minutes before crying to be picked up...I have mastered the quick-hair and makeup routine! Thanks Aunt Linds!!

Isn't she just gorgeous?!

Loves the Moby!!

My best friend from middle school, Katie, came down from Wisconsin to visit us for a couple of days. It was great having her, and Annabelle loved the extra snuggles she got.

Doesn't everyone have one of these pictures? Obligatory, but super cute.

Snoozing on mom

She lasted about 2 minutes on her play mat. I'm thinking it was a little overstimulating for her. (And hey--check out that cloth diaper!)

sigh.

Daddy's princess.

Grams came down for a week to help us out and she loved the snuggles!

!!

Gramps came down for a day and babysat Annabelle for an hour while my mom and I ran to the mall. I had to resist the urge to call home 8 thousand times. She was clearly fine...slept the whole time.

Joanna, Annabelle's Godmother, getting some cuddle time.

She doesn't love the Ergo yet, but we're working on it.

and that's my baby girl. I am so in love.

Annabelle is 1 week old!

2011-09-03T22:06:00.000-05:00

...well, she was yesterday. It's taken me a week just to get photos uploaded and have 2 seconds to sit down and type something out!

A photo collage of her first week:

We were so excited and relieved when she was born! Poor little peanut was so cold, even with skin-to-skin she didn't get warm enough. I was pretty cold, too, so I'm not surprised. We got to hold her for a little bit before they put her back under the warmer.

First few minutes of life! Smooshed, swollen face from being born, but beautiful nonetheless.

Jason has been diaper-changer extraordinaire! He's great about doing diaper duty after I nurse, even in the middle of the night if I wake him up. He got some good practice at the hospital with some major meconium poops.

Daddy giving his first diaper change! She doesn't like getting her diaper changed at ALL.

Daddy loves his little girl. She has him wrapped around her finger already!

We had to stay an extra day in post-partum at the hospital because of my GBS result not being back, and because Annabelle was pretty jaundiced. We were all more than ready to come home on Sunday. Being in the hospital was more tiring than being at home, because of all of the interruptions for vitals checks and "how are you doing" checks. It was nice to have the nurses so available for help and questions, but it's nice to be home and have some alone time. On Saturday night, the nurse said that Annabelle's bilirubin levels were at a 13, which was too high. She pretty much promised us that the doctor on call would want to keep Annabelle for at least another day to put her under the bili lights, and that we would probably have to give her formula. I was so upset about both things, we just prayed that she would be fine, and that we wouldn't have to do either option. We were SO thankful for Dr. See who came in the morning. She was the pediatrician on rotation, and said that since Annabelle was otherwise healthy, she wouldn't keep her. She asked us to followup with our pediatrician the next day, just to make sure she was doing okay. We were happy to oblige, and I tearfully thanked her over and over for letting us go home!

Tired but happy mommy, ready to go home!

While we were in the hospital, we tried giving Annabelle a pacifier. She liked it for about a day, and then just started spitting them out. It's fine with me! She's such a good baby, and only cries when she is hungry and I'm taking too long to whip the boob out, or during diaper changes.

It was so surreal leaving the hospital. I felt like time stood still, and then all of a sudden we were out in this bright new world. They gave me this kid to take home without testing me or anything! So strange that there are no requirements to meet before becoming parents. Luckily, I think we're doing an okay job. Getting Annabelle into her carseat the first time was pretty funny. The carseat is a Graco Snugride 35, so it holds kids up to 35 pounds. So, even though it's an infant seat, Annabelle looked sooo tiny once she was all buckled in.

All buckled in and ready to go home!!

Um, guys? I'm kind of smooshed...

On Sunday, after we got home from the hospital, Annabelle went on a nursing strike. She was latching on great while we were at Carle, but once we got home wanted nothing to do with it. For a little more than 24 hours, she just screamed and screamed and screamed when I tried to put her to the breast. She was clearly hungry, but was so upset and overworked that she wouldn't eat. Jason was so wonderful and patient and helpful while I was so upset. I ended up hand expressing as much colostrum as I could, and Jason literally caught each droplet that came out in a syringe. We gave as much to Annabelle as we could, but ended up giving her some formula during the night on Sunday. It seemed so traumatizing at the time, but hello? What's the big deal? It's formula, not poison! It's actually probably a really good thing that we did give her the formula, because of her jaundice. She needed to eat to help it go away, and with our followup appointment the next day, we were worried her bili levels would be even higher if we couldn't get some food in her tiny belly. I was pretty hysterical Sunday night, calling the breastfeeding clinic at Carle twice (so much for being on call 24 hours a day! No one called me back for like 3 hours!). I called labor and delivery, and I called the la leche league leader for help. One of the nurses in labor and delivery was a mom, and she was pretty helpful to a hormonal post-partum hysterical mom...I just needed someone to understand and be calming, which she was. I left a message for the LLL leader, and she called me back first thing in the morning (more on that in a minute).

During her breastfeeding strike, trying to get our little jaundiced pumpkin to eat.

On Monday, her pediatrician appointment went great. Her bili levels had started to drop, and the doctor didn't seem worried about her at all. He recommended we go to the breastfeeding clinic, so off we went. Unfortunately, my experience at the breastfeeding clinic was way less than great. I had been warned by a couple of people that the lactation consultants there have a tendency to just give everyone nipple shields to "solve" their problem. A lot of babies can't transition from using a nipple shield to not using one, and so it was something I really, really did not want to do. When I first got there, they took one look at me and said that my nipples weren't "prominent." I'm sorry, but they are not flat, or inverted, so I'm pretty sure they are just fine for nursing. Sure enough, they tried slapping a nipple shield on me. I told them I didn't want to use it, and their response was just gross: "Well, if it's a nipple shield or not breastfeeding, which would you prefer?" Ugh. Thanks for the help (sarcasm). I almost started to cry. They didn't check anything else at all, just basically tried to force that thing on me. I left so completely frustrated.

Thankfully, the LLL leader, Jodi, came over at 6:30 Monday evening. I thank God for her. She seriously saved us. She sat on the couch with us for two hours, working on breastfeeding. Within 5 minutes of her being here, she got Annabelle latched on to the right side. I couldn't stop smiling! We had more trouble with the left side, but she taught us how to sort of "bribe" Annabelle with a syringe of pumped colostrum every time she got close to latching on. That was Jason's job. Jodi instructed us to basically sit skin to skin with Annabelle on my chest, and every time she started rooting, help her latch on. It was a long night, but by Monday morning, Annabelle was a professional nurser! We had to use the syringe bribery until around midnight, but after that she did it all on her own. I nursed her almost straight through the night from 10:30 until 5 a.m. She finally fell asleep then, and we both slept until 9. It was heavenly. I am so, so thankful for Jodi and her help. I don't think we would have made it if she hadn't come to the rescue!

As of this morning, Annabelle is back to her birth weight, so hoorah for nursing!

Annabelle nurses every few hours during the day, and seems to want to cluster feed from about 3 a.m. to 5 a.m. I'm thankful I can stay in bed until mid morning, that's for sure. She's also a messy eater. She has breast milk coming out the corners of her mouth every time she eats. It's cute, but makes a sticky mess! We finally had to give her a bath on Tuesday because of how sticky she was.

First "bath" at home!

Dad? Can you please put some clothes on me?

Since she went on the nursing strike, she didn't have any poopy diapers for about 40 hours. It was kind of scary for us, knowing that she should have had 3 or 4, but she got through it. Her first diaper after her nursing strike was a CRAZY mess! We heard her poop, and went to change her. As we were changing her, she started pooping again. And again. And again. We got 4 diapers poopy, the changing table pad, socks, paper towels, and tons and tons of wipes. It was pretty epic. Since then, we've learned that when her bare bum feels the air, she likes to poop. And, she doesn't just casually let a little out, she squirts her poop out. Her distance record so far is a little over a foot. No joke. Poop everywhere. Ahh the adventures of a newborn!

MAJOR poop explosion. We had three more just like this.

Annabelle sleeps in our room. About 1/3 of the time she sleeps in her arms-reach co-sleeper, and the rest of the time she sleeps on my chest, similar to the picture below. She curls up in a ball after nursing, snuggles in close, and falls asleep. I love it. I sleep so much better with her on me, because I can feel her breathing and know she's just fine. It's so peaceful.

Tummy time with Mommy

All in all, it's been a great first week. We've had all sorts of adventures, and are totally loving our precious little girl. I can't believe she's a week old already...time sure flies!

1 Week Post-Partum

2011-09-03T21:22:00.000-05:00
Yesterday was one week post-partum. Annabelle is 1 week old! Wow, time flies, doesn't it??

The Belly: So many people think pregnant bellies are so cute and wonderful, but no one really talks about what happens afterwards. So, I will. Right after having Annabelle, I looked about 6 months pregnant, but it wasn't a cute, firm, 6-month pregnant belly. It was mushy and weird, let's just be honest. Here's 1 day post-partum (those stripey marks on my belly are wrinkle marks from laying down):

Cute, right? Yeah, not so much. But, that's okay! I had a baby!

I was surprised at how quickly my stomach started to go back down to normalish. 5 days post-partum, this is what my belly looked like:

Clearly there is still a "pooch" there, but it's much less jiggly as my organs start to move back into place. I think some of it is just a few extra pounds of weight gain, so I'm counting on breast-feeding to take that extra "fluff" off.

So, pregnant friends, you will get some semblance of your shape back, but don't be surprised when it doesn't happen automatically. I am still wearing my maternity pants, and shirts that are looser, because my "regular" clothes don't quite fit yet. But, that's okay! I had a baby! (my mantra). I feel so good about what my body accomplished, I really don't care that my belly has some jiggle, and might for the rest of my life. Miniscule price to pay for the huge, huge gift I got in return.

Other "body" stuff: Wow, no one really tells you what happens to your lady friends when you start breast-feeding. A friend of mine, who shall remain anonymous, asked me if I had gotten my "porn-star boobs" yet (ie, has my milk come in). HAH! She's totally right. For those of us who aren't quite used to being gifted up top, it's a whole new experience, let's just say that. If there wasn't a baby stuck to them 24/7, it would probably be pretty hot. But, there is, so it's not, so we won't even go there. I was nervous about the engorgement that everyone kept warning me about. They all said it hurts like crazy when your milk comes in. Thankfully, my milk came in during Annabelle's return-to-nursing, so we were nursing every 10 minutes. I'm pretty sure that prevented me from becoming engorged. Blessing in disguise! Needless to say though, having milk suddenly start dripping out of me is a whole new experience that I just have to laugh about. Wow, is the body amazing, or what?!

Stitches. No one really ever can say that they want to have stitches ::ahem::down there::ahem:: But, it's okay! I had a baby! Seriously though, there is a reason they give you ice packs in the hospital, and there is a reason they lecture you on proper care of said stitches. It's not a walk in the park, but it's also not labor. So, I'm not really going to complain. I was thankful for my 600mg of Ibuprofin, and stool softeners that they gave me in the hospital. Take a look at any pregnant or parenting discussion forum online, and you'll see that every new mom is pretty much terrified of that first poop. It was terrifying, I'm not going to lie. But, thankfully, it was all mental. My stitches did not break like I swore up and down they probably would, even though the midwife told me I'd have to do something pretty ridiculously out of the norm in order for that to happen. Sits baths have also been wonderful. The only "bad" experience with my stitches so far has been my extended use of the Tucks pads they give you to help keep the area from itching as it heals. Apparently some women experience an almost allergic reaction to them after extended use. Let me tell you, an allergic reaction on top of stitches is unpleasant. But, it's okay! I had a baby!

Emotionally: I feel great. I was a little bit nervous about baby-blues since I have dealt with some mild depression in the past, but so far haven't felt an overwhelming amount of negative emotion. I have moments of tearing up for no apparent reason, but that's normal. It's so, so strange to think about my precious little girl being inside of me. That was Annabelle! Wow! Such a miracle. I'm continually in awe of it, and continually in awe of how much I just love her. It's such an intense, crazy, furious love that I have never felt in my life. I could just sit there and stare at her all day and be drunk with emotion for her. Amazing.

I'm still processing my birth experience. There are things about it that make me feel incredibly GREAT and things about it that make me feel frustrated and crappy. Overall, it was an amazing experience, but everyone deals with their experiences different ways. I'm slowly going through it over and over in my head, coming to terms with the good, bad, and ugly, and letting the miracle of it all just sort of sink in. I am still so in awe that my body was able to birth a baby without the conscious me really doing anything to make it happen. I was just sort of along for the ride. It's sort of hard to process something that happened to me, rather than something I did. Anyway, I may write more about that later.

Sleeping: Surprisingly, I am getting more sleep now than I did when I was pregnant. I slept so horribly that last trimester, that now it's pretty great! I only get 3ish hours of sleep at a time, but when I was pregnant I was up almost every hour. It's great! We got an arms-reach co-sleeper for Annabelle to sleep in, but she only does about 1/3 of the time. Otherwise, she falls asleep on my chest after nursing, and we both just sort of drift off that way. I sleep better with her actually on me, because I can feel her breathing and moving, and it's really comforting. When she's in her co-sleeper I only half-sleep because I'm so paranoid that something will happen and I won't notice. She does take some naps in her co-sleeper, and some naps in her crib. I want her to be able to sleep pretty much anywhere, so I'm trying not to hold her all the time. Even though I really want to :)

Eating: I'm amazed at how hungry I get at times, and how yucky food sounds at times. It's like I'm still pregnant. But, I am wayyyy more thirsty (thank you breast-feeding!) so I drink a lot more water now. I probably should have been before she was born, but now I just can't seem to get enough of it.

Other: I am so, so thankful for Jason being home for 2 weeks. I could never imagine doing this without him. He has been a complete saint, cleaning, getting me water, changing diapers, feeding me when I'm starving but Annabelle won't stop nursing, and supporting my at times crazy emotions. He has been wonderful.

Visitors. I have been thankful for all of our friends and family being so supportive and excited about Annabelle's arrival. Before she came, Jason and I talked about when we wanted visitors, and I'm glad we did. I really recommend setting boundaries for that if you're pregnant and expecting. We had one day with too many visitors, and I couldn't handle it and unfortunately had to send them home after about 10 minutes. I felt bad, but knew that it wasn't good for me to be so stressed out and exhausted with that many people in our house. It was a good learning experience.

There is lots of "other" stuff to write about, but it's all about Annabelle, so I think that will be a post of it's own.

Annabelle Jean's Entrance Into the World

2011-08-27T11:58:00.004-05:00
(pictures to follow once we get home)

Annabelle's birthday started out Thursday, August 25th. She was 9 days overdue, so we were scheduled for a non-stress test and ultrasound to monitor her fluid levels. It was a rough afternoon for us. Our wonderful doula came with us to our appointment, which I am so thankful for. When the tech was doing our sonogram, she told me the number was 7.1, which I knew was bad. They want to see the number at least 8. I managed to hold it together until we got out of that room, but completely lost it in the hallway, knowing that we would be having the induction discussion with the midwife. We took some time to go out and talk about what our plan of attack would be, and we made the decision to negotiate to ask for a few extra days of monitoring and fluid pushing before an induction. Our NST came back with a couple of minor decels in the baby's heart rate, which is typical for low fluid because her cord was probably being a little compressed. A soon as the midwife walked in, I could tell by the look on her face that we were in for the big talk. Her student midwife, unfortunately, delivered the news in a way that wasn't quite warm and fuzzy. She said that their recommendation is for induction, and I said "I am not going to do that." they said they would have to talk to the doctor on call, and I just started crying and left the room because I needed to not be overwhelmed for a minute. When I went back in, I asked our doula and the student midwife to leave so we could talk with a few less people in the room. Through our discussion, we did speak with the doctor on call, Dr. Faye, who was just fabulous. She and Vanessa didn't seem super duper worried about the fluid just yet, so they agreed to let me come back the next day (Friday) for another set of tests after drinking lots of water to see if her fluid had improved. In the meantime, Vanessa would go ahead and strip my membranes to see if that would help get things moving.

About an hour after my appointment, around 5, I started having contractions that weren't bad, and were pretty far apart. I decided to use my breast pump to do some nipple stimulation and see if we couldn't get things going. Man, did that do the trick! After that, my contractions got to be 4-5 minutes apart, and quickly went down to 2-3 minutes apart. At 9:00 we called my family to tell them to start driving into town. By 10:00 I could no longer really talk through contractions, and really had to concentrate. They were still about 2-3 minutes apart. Trish, our doula, came over at 10:30, and we decided to go to the hospital because I knew I didn't want to be in the car for the worst part of labor.

When we got to Carle, I was slightly disappointed to hear that I was only 3 cm dilated, but 90% effaced, which is a big part of the battle for first time moms. I was soooo thrilled with the nursing staff, who didnt question my birth wishes one iota. No heplock, no monitor belts, only the doppler every now and then...they were fabulous! My contractions were getting really intense, but I was doing okay relaxing and breathing/moaning through them. I got on my hands and kneees in bed, and then in the shower the same way. I couldn't stand sitting on anything, especially the toilet, and standing left me feeling more out of control. I tried the jacuzzi for about 3 seconds and promptly knew that wasn't where I wanted to be. I already had disqualified for a water birth because of the fluid level, so it wasn't a huge deal that I didn't like the tub. Back to the bed I went. Contractions stayed 2-4 minutes apart the whole time,and just got more and more intense.

Around 4:00 a.m. I was severely losing steam and control over myself. It was getting harder and harder to stay focused during contractions because they hurt sooo bad and I was so exhausted from a stressful afternoon before. (Even though I did everything I could to prepare for this birth, there is just nothing in the world that could truly prepare me for the ultimate pain, pressure, and intensity that labor is. Nothing. And for people who said that contractions are like bad period cramps, I say you are completely crazy and they don't even compare!) Anyway, I asked to be checked at that point, and I was 5 cm. I was so discouraged because I felt like I had done a lot more work than that! I asked the midwife how long she thought I would be laboring, and she said that for a first time mom, 5-7 hours more would be likely. I "caved" at that point and said I wanted the epidural. They got a bag of fluids in me before thy called the anesthesiologist, which took about 20 minutes. About then, I really felt a ton of pressure, and had lots of bloody show. My doula suggested that I be checked once more before getting the epidural, and I agreed. In the 20 minutes the fluid took, I had gone from 5 cm to 8 cm! Praise God! Hearing that was just the boost of encouragement I needed to keep going without the epidural.

Things went very fast from that point forward. Almost immediately I felt pushy, and flipped back up from my side onto my hands and knees. I started pushing gently with some of my contractions, which was a great feeling. My water broke on one push, and things flew after that! People started rushing around getting the room ready, and I felt that first urge to push. When people have described it, they have said that no matter what, you just have to push. It is so true!! I couldn't have stopped if the fate of the world depended on it. Pushing was such a strange phase of the process because I loved it and hated it at the same time. The pain of the contractions was basically gone when I pushed, but the pain of pushing was an entirely new experience. I was so thankful to have our doula, our friend Tia, and Jason there. I needed a lot of counter pressure on my back during each push, and I am pretty sure I broke poor Tia's hand when I squeezed it so hard each time.

Pushing Annabelle out was probably the most incredible thing I have experienced. It is utterly amazing how much power my body has. It hurt like nothing I could ever, ever imagine, but my body knew exactly what to do. I wanted to fight it because of how badly it hurt, but I couldn't. I had to completely give in and let my body take over, even though everything in my conscious being was screaming "NO!" (speaking of screaming...did you wake up around 5 a.m. Thinking ther was a dying animal outside? Don't worry, it was just me. You heard me from Carle L&D. I was yelling louder than I ever thought I would, or could!).

I pushed through about 5 contractions, I think. From start to finish, it took me 21 minutes to push her out. She was born at 5:21 a.m. While I am sooo glad I didn't have to push longer than that, I did pay for how fast I got her out, with 2nd and 3rd degree tears. I will spare you the details of location. Since I was on my hands and knees, I couldn't catch her myself like I wanted to, so Jason decided he would! It was amazing. The midwife delivered her head, then Jason caught the rest of her and passed her under my belly to me. It was so amazing, and such a huge relief! Everyone in the room was surprised that she was a girl, except Tia, who was voting girl from the first place. I got onto my back, Jason cut the cord, and then it was time to start the repairs. After labor, that suddenly didn't seem like such a big deal, and wasn't too bad. Dr. Faye came in to assist with repairs, and they got done very quickly, thankfully. In the meantime, Jason went to announce the news to our family, and got a lot of surprised faces from them, too. Everyone was expecting a boy!

All in all, it was the best and worst experience of my life, and I am so glad that I didn't end up going through with the epidural. I know I would have always wondered, "what if?" I am so so so so thankful for the fabulous team of people that were with me. I could not have made it through if I didn't have them coaching me and encouraging me each step of the way.

Mommy and baby are doing well. We are staying in the hospital an extra day due to some jaundice, but nothing serious.

Annabelle Jean Rackow, born August 26th at 5:21 a.m. Weighing 7 lbs. 3.5 oz., 20 in. long.

41 Weeks!

2011-08-23T16:17:00.000-05:00

Today I am 7 days past my Estimated Due Date

The Belly: Well, the past few days I think the baby has dropped down more, and my belly feels a little bit smaller. Though, clearly from the picture, it is NOT smaller and I look like I am smuggling a basketball under my sweatshirt.

Physically: I am not sleeping well at all, and woke up praising God for the 7 hours of sleep I got last night, only having to get up ONE TIME during the night. It's the best sleep I've gotten in weeks.

Weight: Back down to 150. I attribute that to the crazy amount of walking I have been doing the last week. I'm trying to log a couple of miles a day, but apparently the baby doesn't know that walking is supposed to help start labor. Oh well, at least it's good exercise!

Food Aversons: Basically all food. Eating just doesn't sound fun. Unless it's dessert. In which case, bring it on!

Food Cravings: Cold things and sweet things. I made a cheesecake and banana bread already this week!

Feeling: Sooo anxious to meet my little one. Jason was talking about holding the baby yesterday, and I almost broke down into tears because I just can't wait to have him or her in my arms. Also, even though I have no reason to be, I am feeling a little nervous about my non-stress test and fluid-level-check-sonogram on Thursday. I have a "gut" feeling that absolutely nothing is wrong with baby, but I am nervous that they will find something "slightly concerning" and start pressuring me more for an induction. I'm so thankful for my own doula, Trish, who will be coming with us to that appointment! But, the midwives all know how against induction I am unless there is an absolutely positively clear problem with baby, and so I am hoping we won't have to discuss it much.

Baby: is still snugly in there :) He or she has been definitely moving down a little bit more, but is still wiggling his or her butt and legs around pretty consistently. It's still really fun to feel, even though it hurts sometimes. S/he has also been getting the hiccups less, which I am so thankful for. It's not my favorite feeling in the world.

Other: We/I have tried basically everything that anyone has suggested to me to get labor started, to no avail. I'm pretty content with just waiting for this little one, but here's the list of things we've tried:

spicy food

pineapple

raspberry leaf tea

evening primrose oil

trying out the breast pump (wow, that is quite interesting...)

"the way you got the baby in there in the first place"

walking

walking a LOT

bouncing on my yoga ball

squatting

listening to the hypnobabies track, "Come OUT baby!"

Honestly, even though I get uncomfortable at times, I really am okay being pregnant still, and would be for a few more weeks if that's what my baby needed! My only anxiety is caused by the discussion of induction, but I know that I'm going to decline it assuming that nothing is wrong and the midwives are okay to still deliver me. If there are problems, of course I will consider an induction. But I really feel in my heart that this baby is just not ready to meet the world yet, and that's okay.

My friend Wendy shared this website with me: www.haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com. I love it! As much as I do appreciate all of my friends and family checking in on me, I promise promise promise that you will all know when the baby comes. And, I will not be broadcasting my entire birth on facebook. You will know when the baby is here, and that's probably about it...no play by play from me! (or Jason. I've already told him I will take his phone away if he is on facebook or words with friends while I'm in labor).

Prayer Requests: If you're the praying type and would like to join us in prayer, here is what is on my heart this week...
That we would have a healthy mom and a healthy baby on Thursday at my NST/sonogram

That labor/delivery would be fast and natural (I know, it probably won't be "fast," but a girl can pray!!)

40 Weeks!!

2011-08-16T15:31:00.000-05:00

Today is my Estimated Due Date.
(though, thanks to FAM, I know that it is my actual, for real, 40-Week due-date :) )

The Belly: I feel huge, but I was told yesterday by three different people that I definitely don't look like I'm at my due date. So, whatever! Here it is:

And, ready for it?? Here's the actual belly (cover your eyes and keep scrolling if you don't want to see it!!)

Happily, there is only one teeny little stretch mark about 1/2" long right over my belly button, on my piercing, which I am really not surprised about. I don't know how that skin could stretch very much. I would like to officially thank Lamaze Belly Butter for doing it's job. It's sold at TJ Maxx for about $5, which also can't get much better.
Physically: Feeling pretty good, all things considered! Sleeping is still really difficult, but I know I pretty much won't ever have a good night of sleep again, so I'm just going with it! I am walking a lot, trying to walk this baby out, but it's not worked so far (obviously).

Weight: 152! 2 pounds this week. Score. Grand total so far? 23 pounds. Rock on, baby. Baby is still estimated to be around 6.5 pounds.

Food Aversons: Anything warm. It's like 80 degrees outside though, so I'm blaming it on the weather.

Food Cravings: Still anything cold. I eat at least 3 Popsicles per day.

Feeling: Excited!!! I can't wait to meet my little baby boy or girl, and I am ready to get this show on the road!!

Baby: is guessed by the midwives to be a boy, still, based on it's heart-rate. We have a boy outfit and girl outfit ready in our hospital bag, though. I'm not putting all my chips in just based on a heart-rate!

Other: I have been totally loving being at home, and have gotten some good reading done. I LOVE the book Eat, Sleep, Poop, and have also really been enjoying Babyproofing Your Marriage (this is not a Christian book, for those that would care to ask). I've laughed out loud a lot while reading it, and Jason has found the few parts I've shared with him pretty good, too. It's got some great advice and tips to keep in mind, and I'm glad I'm reading it NOW and not a year from now.

Prayer Requests: If you're the praying type and would like to join us in prayer, here is what is on my heart this week...
That the baby would come OUT! I have 1 week until they want to schedule an induction, and 2 weeks until they start reaaaally pressuring me about an induction, so this is my #1 request.

Hopefully my next post will be all about baby, and not pregnancy :)

The Final Product!

2011-08-12T14:30:00.002-05:00

The nursery is finally done! I finished organizing all of the "stuff" and putting things away, and I'm so happy with the way this room turned out. I couldn't ask for a better nursery! I feel so much more at home in this house now that we have decorated and hung things on the walls...more on that later. Without further ado, here is where baby Rackow is going to call home!

This is the view from the doorway. The crib was a gift from Jason's mom, and I love the classic lines of it. The bedding and curtains were made by my mom and me, and I found a great green matching rug and lamp at Target. Gotta love the back-to-school sales! The "mobile" is decorations from one of my showers, and the art on the wall is obviously Jason's skill. My mom found the awesome glider at a garage sale for about $40, and recovered the heinous fabric with solid brown--it looks AMAZING. The blanket on the back of the chair was crocheted by my mom's co-worker--it could NOT match the colors in the nursery better than it does.

The rest of the furniture in the room was my great-grandma's! I had it growing up in my room, and my parents let us take it for our baby. It matches the crib, and fits in the room just right. Two dressers, a bookshelf, and a corner desk. For now, baby's room will double as an office until we buy a bigger house. But, it works great for now! We got lots of baskets from our showers, and Target had some great fabric bins that fit nicely on the shelves. They are storing my breast-pump parts, lotions/bath soaps, toys, first-aid/medicine stuff, and breastfeeding supplies. We also have tons of books (thank you, dear friends!), which we are so thankful for!

We found this little table on the side of the road in someone's garbage pile. We asked if we could have it, and the guy said yes! It matches all of the other furniture, and looks brand-new. I have no idea why he was getting rid of it. The names in the crib are the two we have picked out, and their Hebrew meaning. I'm planning on having vinyl wall art designed with whichever name we use, and putting it above the crib.

This is my super-exciting changing station :) We got this awesome cart as a shower gift (also from Target!). It was a pain in the booty to put together, but holds all of the diaper stuff perfectly. I also got a matching brown garbage can (seriously, keeping Target in business here), and after 2 failed attempts, made a diaper pail-liner for it. My friend Morgan made and gave us the cute artwork hanging above the changing pad. It works great in the room!

aaaand last but not least, the desk. Boring. But, the painting hanging above the desk is not! Even though it doesn't "match" per say, it has special meaning. My great-grandma painted it, and it's so neat that it gets to hang in the baby's room now. It's raggedy Andy, and a few toys, in case you couldn't tell. Very cute.

So, that's the nursery! Now come on, baby, we're ready for you!

39 Weeks!

2011-08-10T14:21:00.000-05:00

As of today, 6 days until my "due date!"

The Belly: Speaks for itself! Baby is really crammed in there, and sometimes my belly looks pretty lopsided depending on where his/her butt is. It's pretty funny. I also can see feet pressing out on my right side pretty often, and I usually poke back :)

Physically: I am ready to be done being pregnant now. It's been great, but if I'm being honest, I'm tired of it. I want my body back to "normal," even though I know it will never be the same again! Rolling over in bed is so difficult anymore that I dread the 4 or 5 times I wake up each night. My pubic bone hurts a lot, which I know is a good thing because it means the baby is moving down down down, stretching my pubic symphysis (go learn something!). I'm tired most of the time, and can't get comfortable sitting on a cushy couch or chair because I just sink in too much. I'm not trying to complain, just telling it like it is!

I'm still trying to go for a walk every day, do my squats and pelvic tilts. I've been chugging raspberry leaf tea, which is supposed to help tone the uterus and in one study, made second stage of labor shorter. Who knows if it will work, but I'll try anything to make labor easier!

Weight: Still at 150. We'll see what the scale at Carle says this afternoon.

Food Aversons: Most things sound yucky to eat, but I just keep eating because I know I have to!

Food Cravings: Still anything cold. Chomping ice has been great lately (unfortunately for my teeth...)

Feeling: Let's do this. I know labor is going to be hard. I know it's going to be probably the most difficult thing I'll do in my life. But I know I have to do it, and I know I CAN do it, and I know that one way or another, I will have a precious newborn baby at the end of it. Let's just get it going! Jason and I are both getting more excited, as the day gets closer. Not knowing how or when labor will start is keeping us both on edge, in a good way!

Baby: is very snugly in there. I really have no idea how babies get bigger than this, and mine is pretty petite! I can't imagine having an 8, 9, or 10+ lb. baby! I'm feeling very thankful for my little one, even though it doesn't feel so little. My 39 week appointment is today, so we'll see what they say.

Other: Yes, I am still pregnant. I'm starting to feel like I should just stay in my house to avoid seeing people, including total strangers, who ask when my baby is due and then exclaim, "oh wow! You're still pregnant?!" or, "what are you doing out and about?!" Well, I am clearly not in labor yet, so I am still living my life as normally as possible, and I promise that if you are a friend or family member, we will tell you when the baby is coming! I'm not even at my due date yet. And to all of my friends who have ever been pregnant, are pregnant, or will be pregnant, please forgive me for ever making exclamations about still being pregnant, and I promise I will never say anything along those lines again. :)

Prayer Requests: If you're the praying type and would like to join us in prayer, here is what is on my heart this week...
That this baby would come in God's timing, and I would be able to enjoy each day up until s/he comes.

That this baby would be healthy and have no problems at birth. That is my #1 prayer and hope right now.

That we would be able to successfully breastfeed without a lot of complications. For some reason in the past couple of weeks I have heard too many "horror stories" of complications, and I really just don't want to go there if I don't have to.

38 Weeks!

2011-08-03T22:09:00.000-05:00

As of today, 12 days until my "due date."

The Belly: ...is huge. Yes, I am ready to pop. I feel like it, and look like it. (Please excuse my post-swimming hair in the picture below).

Physically: Feeling about the same as last week, though for some reason the past few days laying down has been very, very uncomfortable. In general, "things" are starting to ache that I didn't even know could ache. Otherwise, I'm still plugging away, feeling mostly good during the day, and staying active.

I would like to plug my chiropractor at this moment. I am about 99% convinced that my pregnancy has been so easy thanks in huge part to going to see Jeff regularly. I started out my pregnancy going every other week, and switched to every week in my 3rd trimester. I KNOW that regular adjustments have caused this baby to be in the perfectly ideal position for birth; s/he has never moved or turned out of the head down, right-facing position. Getting adjusted has helped me stay active because my joints don't hurt as much, and it's kept my pelvis aligned and straight so that all of my organs have as much room as possible to adjust and move around. Anyway, if you're pregnant, I highly recommend seeing a chiropractor trained in the Webster Technique (for preggos), and if you're in C-U, I highly recommend Jeff. :)

Weight: I was at 150 on Tuesday here at home, and 155 at Carle. So, somewhere in there!

Food Aversons: Eggs. The smell has been making me nauseous lately, and I can't even fathom the idea of eating them.

Food Cravings: Basically anything sweet and cold.

Feeling: Nervous about labor. I know I have to do it, I know I'm capable of doing it, and I know the best way to do it for my baby and my body is naturally, but I'm still nervous. I am already so thankful that Jason and I did the Bradley childbirth classes, because they really taught Jason how to be a coach, and I know he's going to do a great job.

I'm also feeling very conflicted emotions about actually having a child. I go back and forth between being super excited to meet this little one, and completely and utterly terrified!!

Baby: Measured at 36 weeks at my appointment this week, heartbeat was 124. S/he has sunk down lower in my pelvis, according to the midwife, which is GREAT. I've had a couple of people in the last week guess girl, which is surprising since 90% of everyone else has been guessing boy. I will truly be so surprised no matter what, and I love that. I'm so glad we didn't find out the gender!

Other: I love staying at home during the day! I have made curtains for the kitchen, kept up on the laundry, cooked a little bit more, worked on the nursery, taken care of the yard and the garden...it's been soooo great doing the "house-wifey" things that I've been longing to have time to do without feeling rushed or stressed. I know having a baby will obviously change the way I do things and the amount of time I have, but I am still so excited to be home.

Hoping to get a post up with lots of nursery pictures, soon!

Prayer Requests: If you're the praying type and would like to join us in prayer, here is what is on my heart this week...
Sleep. I'm exhausted each night and sleep is getting worse. Please pray that I would be able to get a few full nights of sleep before having this baby.
My nerves--starting to get more anxious about having a baby!
A joyful delivery. I know it's going to be hard, I just pray that I would be able to experience the joy of it all, too.
Thanks!

Homemade Yogurt

2011-08-02T10:14:00.000-05:00
After trying 3 different times with 3 different recipes, I FINALLY have made successful homemade, Greek style yogurt. I had success with this crockpot recipe, which was awesome because I didn't have to have the stove on or be home the whole time. To make it "greek" yogurt, I rubberbanded a towel over the top of a bowl, and let the yogurt strain over the bowl. I was amazed at how much liquid came out of it. It's nice and thick, and tastes great, and was cheaper than buying yogurt at the store (costs as much as the milk you use to make it). I'm so excited :)

Full Term (37 Weeks)!

2011-07-29T16:08:00.000-05:00

As of today, 17 days until my "due date."

Full term! It's hard to believe. Our bags are packed for the hospital, the car seat is installed, and the nursery is basically done. Now it's just a matter of waiting...(yeah right, I still have a to-do list that is a mile long!)

The Belly: Pretty much feels the same the past couple of weeks, though my belly button has definitely popped out! I do have ONE stretch mark, right on my belly button piercing. I'm not surprised. One more reason that I regret ever getting that piercing.

Physically: This heat is killing me, but I'm honestly feeling okay all things considered. The end of the day is the worst time, I feel like everything is just huge and I'm very uncomfortable. I feel great in the morning and for most of the day, though. Sleeping is definitely more challenging as I'm up every 2 hours or so to use the bathroom. Physically getting UP is hard, and takes a lot of forethought :) Still having lots of BH contractions, especially when I know I'm not drinking enough water, or if I'm exerting myself doing something. No real contractions yet, but still some cramping every now and then, too.

Weight: Still at 152.

Food Aversons: Most hot (temperature-wise) foods.

Food Cravings: smoothies, slushies, popsicles, ice cream...anything cold.

Feeling: WOW, We're having a CHILD!! that pretty much sums it up. Last night we were sitting on the couch and Jason said, "We're going to be parents in like, 2 weeks." For some reason it really hit me then that I actually have to go through labor and bring a child into this world, and have to take care of it for the rest of my life. I mean, I obviously knew that going into this, but it's still slightly overwhelming now that it could happen any day! I started to get really anxious and needed a lot of reassurance that we would be able to do it.

Baby: Measured at 35 weeks at my appointment this week. Still consistently 2 weeks behind, which is fine with everyone, including me! Heartbeat was in the 120s...midwives are still thinking boy based on that, but we'll see! S/he is still kicking and hiccuping and wriggling around in there. It's amazing that it can survive inside breathing in water one minute, and will be outside breathing in air the next. Can't wait to meet him or her!!

Other: Even though I started my new part-time job this last week, it still has been wonderful not working all day every day. I've taken a couple of naps, got a pedicure with some friends, and got the house cleaned up a little more. I am so thankful for this part time job, and so thankful that we can make ends meet with me staying home. After we have the baby, I will only be working as a health coach on Monday and Thursday nights from 5-7, and Saturday mornings from 8-12, if we have patients that want those appointments. I also might be doing some clerical work from home during the day, but only if that portion of the job gets approved, since it's still a new department.

Prayer Requests: If you're the praying type and would like to join us in prayer, here is what is on my heart this week...
My nerves--starting to get more anxious about having a baby!
A fast delivery when it's time
Favor with Carle...we only get 4 bands to hand out to people, and we have 5 parents total, so we're hoping they will give us favor and give us an extra band so that all 5 parents can have one.
Thanks!

DONE!

2011-07-22T20:48:00.000-05:00
Today was my last full day of work!! I can't believe I'm done working as a trainer at Christie. While not every aspect of my job was superawesomewonderful (is any job??) I did really enjoy it, and I loved the people there. It will be so hard not to see all of them each day! It was hard leaving today knowing that it's no longer my office, my job, my responsibility. My replacement has been working with me for 3 weeks, learning the ropes, and I know she'll do a fabulous job.

I did, however, take on a part time, as-needed (PRN) job at Christie as of this week, officially! We are starting a new weight loss program, the Ideal Protein diet, and they needed a health coach to work less than 10 hours/week most weeks, in the evenings and on Saturday mornings. It was perfect sounding! I'll meet with patients and do their intake, then make sure they are sticking with the diet program and having success. Hours will vary each week depending on how many patients we have, but we won't have to put baby in daycare, which will be awesome. Jason will take care of baby the evenings/Saturdays that I am working, which will be great bonding time for them, I'm sure :) It will give me an opportunity to get out of the house a little bit, have some adult contact, and bring in a little extra savings each month, which is a huuuuuge budget relief. I'm starting on Monday during the day for some time to help get everything organized since the program is just starting, but I probably won't really start seeing a lot of patients until after the baby is born. I'm really looking forward to staying on part time at Christie, and getting to do something new and different!

36 Weeks!

2011-07-21T22:18:00.000-05:00

As of today, 23 days until my "due date."

The Belly: It's very large and in charge. I didn't take a picture yet this week.

Physically: I'm tired. I am not feeling as good anymore. I'm partially attributing that to the insane freaking heat we have had, but I have not really been enjoying pregnancy as much this week. The baby is getting bigger, which is obviously good, but my organs are getting so squished. I can hardly eat anything in one sitting, I get winded walking down the street, and let's just say my digestive track isn't working the way it used to. My feet are starting to swell. I have more heartburn. Ah, the joys of pregnancy.

Overall, I still feel pretty good most of the day. It's around dinnertime that things start to go down hill, but at least I can try to get comfy at home. The BEST position ever is hanging out on my knees leaning over an exercise ball. It lets everything hang down and seems to make more room. I can breathe when I sit/lay like that. I have a feeling I will like that in labor, too.

I've started noticing some cramping the last few days, which is cool, because maybe my body is starting to get the memo that this baby has to come out of me before too long. No significant contractions yet, aside from the Braxton-Hicks contractions.

Weight: 152 at home, 154 at Carle. Finally some significant weight gain! I have clearly been eating a lot more popsicles and ice cream :)

Food Aversons: Most things.

Food Cravings: smoothies, slushies, popsicles, ice cream...anything cold.

Feeling: Very emotional. I got choked up the other day walking into Hobby Lobby because I saw Halloween decorations. Seriously. I have no idea why. I have cried at least 3 times in the last week over various things, and my temper is getting shorter.

At least I can blame it on the hormones.

Baby: Measuring at 34 weeks. Head down. "Locked and loaded" according to the midwife. Just a matter of waiting.

Baby has been moving around a little less lately, as there is less room in there. I'm still getting large bulges poking out on my right side, which are either knees or feet. They are starting to hurt a lot more as the baby gets stronger. I like to push back just to remind the kid who's body this is.

It's starting to get weird that there is a baby inside me. It's not so small anymore, and it's just a little creepy to think about. Am I the only one who thinks that sometimes?

Other: Tomorrow is my last day of full time work! WOAH! Looking forward to having some down time before baby!

Prayer Requests: If you're the praying type and would like to join us in prayer, here is what is on my heart this week...
Peace of mind as labor and delivery get closer
Healthy baby, healthy mom
Patience with each other as our marriage gets stretched by this new experience of parenthood!
Thanks, friends!

35 Weeks!

2011-07-13T22:42:00.000-05:00

As of today, 34 days until my "due date."

The Belly: I still don't feel "huge," but I do feel like my belly can't expand much more! Everything feels very tight in there, and I'm afraid if I bump a corner it will pop! Hah, just realized I am wearing the same sweats in this picture as I was last week. I love them!! I got them at the Gap outlet with a matching lightweight robe I'm going to take to the hospital with me.

Physically: Feeling good. Tired more, but good. Baby's movements are getting sharper, and I can really identify either a knee or foot on my right side, especially at night. It pokes out and looks so funny! Last night I was wide awake from about 4-5:30 a.m. wondering if I was in labor already. I obviously was not, but I was feeling some pretty hard cramping, and couldn't really put my finger on it. Wasn't really BH contractions, didn't feel like what I imagine "real" contractions feel like...maybe somewhere in the middle? who knows. I did a bunch of pelvic rocking and propped myself up on my knees and elbows for awhile, and it went away.

I have not experienced many of the "pleasant" things that happen towards the end of pregnancy, which is fine by me :) I haven't made any nursing pads yet, so that whole leaking thing can stay away for a few more days! (Side note: my friend Lydia is SUPER crafty. I mean super. If you get jealous of crafty/sewing people, don't read her blog. Otherwise, you should, because she has some awesome things on it, like how to make your own nursing pads.)

Weight: Waffling (haha) between 148 and 150 here at home, 152 fully clothed at Carle last week at my 34 week appointment.

Food Aversons: Big meals

Food Cravings: Popsicles!!

Feeling: Starting to feel more emotionally overwhelmed, which I am attributing to hormones. We have most of the "stuff" ready for baby (carseat, crib, stroller, diapers, bassinet), but now that birth is looming, it's starting to get more overwhelming. I know that I am as physically and mentally prepared for birth as I can be, but the idea of the complete unknown, of which I have absolutely NO control over is slightly scary. I'm just praying that I'll be able to stay calm and just trust that God and my body will get me through it.

Baby: Still on the small side, still head down, still kicking my right side. Way to go, consistency.

Other: The nursery is almost completely done! My mom is driving down this weekend with our rocking chair that she recovered for us (she got a STEAL at a garage sale! Go mom!), as well as the bookshelf that goes a top the dressers that we have. I'm starting to think about what is going to go in the hospital bag, creating a couple of play lists, and working on my phone tree list.

Oh, and have I mentioned that I have 7 days left of work? SEVEN! That is insane to me. Sad, happy, insane. I did get offered a great part time opportunity for after the baby is born, working 10 or less hours/week in the evenings or on Saturday mornings. I will wait to elaborate on that for a couple of weeks, but it's a huge answer to prayer, financially and scheduling wise.

If you would like to join us in prayer, now would be great! Please pray that the baby stays healthy and active these last few weeks, and that we have a great team of nurses and providers at our birth. Also please pray for Jason and I to be filled with peace as we get closer to D-day. Of course the number 1 thing is to have a healthy baby and healthy me when it's all said and done. Thanks for partnering with us in prayer!

The second set of sheets.

2011-07-12T00:37:00.003-05:00
Remember this post? Yeah. That. Again.

Luckily (?) this time I heard it and knew exactly what it was and I am pretty sure my scream of "MOJO, NO!!!!" could be heard around the world, and scared the piss IN to him. He stopped long enough for Jason to come running and get him outside, and therefore only our bedroom floor and sheets fell victim instead of the whole house. Jason was still awake, so he was able move much more quickly this time, and probably knew the second I started yelling what was going on. Also luckily, we bought a second set of sheets after last time! And they were freshly folded from the clothes line only 2 days ago. This time jason cleaned the floor while I prayed that our mattress pad prevented the need for our little green cleaning machine as I stripped the bed. It did, thank God!

Aaaand I figured out why this happened both times, I think.
1. We played "laser" with him outside, and it was hot out. He was running like crazy, and drank a lot of water outside.
2. He came inside, and drank a lot more.
3. He laid down to cool off, and fell asleep. So did I. Jason got busy doing something else. Neither of us took him out an hour after he drank that much, like we would have had it been the middle of the day.
4. Mojo started to pee in his sleep, hence the pee on our bed. By that point it was too late to stop his pee, so he jumped down and came over to wake me up, all while still peeing.

It sucks no matter how you really look at it, but at least it happened the same sort of way both times so we can obviously prevent it next time (set a timer to take him out!!).

And now that my adrenaline has stopped pumping, I am going back to sleep.

34 Weeks!

2011-07-05T19:32:00.000-05:00

As of today, 41 days until my "due date."

The Belly: My belly is definitely getting bigger. I can feel the baby taking up a lot more room, and also moving less, which I assume is because of that. The tank top in this picture covered my belly no problem a few weeks ago, but now I have to keep pulling it down (and then up, and then down...). While my belly is obviously growing, it still doesn't feel as big as I expected it to feel at this point. When I look down, I expect it to be a lot bigger than it looks. Oh well, I still have a few weeks to make it get that way!

(Please pardon my exhausted look...still recovering from the weekend!!)

Physically: the Braxton Hicks contractions have not been around as much this week, though I'm not sure what the difference is. The baby's movements feel a lot stronger, which is so neat. Though sometimes I'm convinced it's trying to dig it's way out through my belly button. I still don't have any stretch marks, praise God! And yes, I actually am thanking God for not having stretch marks. It really is an almost-fear of mine. Not that I ever plan on wearing a bikini again, but it is nice knowing that (at least for now) my stomach has been spared the red marks. I'm sure I'll at least have a few by the time this kid comes out, but it's exciting that I've gotten this far without them. Call me vain if you want to, just being honest!

Weight: Back down to 148 today...? Not sure what that's about. I got on the scale 5 times this morning just to make sure. I don't know, maybe it's just water weight fluctuation. Who knows. We'll see what Carle's scale says tomorrow!

Food Aversons: Anything rich, and big meals. I had 1.5 bowls of salad, soup, and a breadstick today for lunch at Olive Garden and I felt like my stomach was exploding. In the past, I could have eaten about 3 bowls of soup, and twice as many breadsticks. Being able to eat more in one sitting is one thing I miss, but it is kind of nice to just eat all day long now.

Food Cravings: Anything cold, which I am attributing to the weather, which is the opposite of that.

Feeling: Still feeling really good. The tiredness sets in after a long day (or a series of long days, like this weekend), but otherwise I'm not really uncomfortable. Every now and then the baby will kick or lay weird and that bugs me, but overall I feel great. I've been doing my squats, kegels, and pelvic rocking excercises, and walking, and I definitely think that's helping my comfort level.

Baby: Still head down, still kicking my right side. Getting stronger and bigger every day! Last week I was feeling girl, but each week I seem to go back and forth, so I will truly be surprised when this kiddo comes out!

Other: Mojo is getting BETTER AT LISTENING!! Seriously, I have no idea what changed, but it's like a lightbulb went on in his rather small head about 3 days ago. He now comes when called, even when not on a leash! Well, I should clarify--he comes to me when I call him. He even comes inside now without me having to chase him around the yard and threaten to beat him with a stick (which I would of course never actually do). He also is getting really good at "drop it," when he has something in his mouth that he shouldn't. Said objects are usually socks, clothespins, or dryer sheets. Anyway, I'm super duper thankful that he's getting better at listening. It's a huge weight off my shoulders!

Time for some ice cream!!

The nursery!

2011-07-05T19:06:00.000-05:00

It's still a work in progress as we continue to get stuff organized and hang up decorations, but the "bones" are in place.

All day Friday and Saturday were dedicated to sewing with my mom. It was such an awesome time! I learned so much from her, and it was a great time of bonding and chatting. She taught me how to make a bedskirt, and the curtains! Aside from fixing one minor ironing problem (apparently too hot of an iron can melt some fabrics...) I made the curtains entirely by myself! I was super proud. I also learned how to gather fabric for the bed skirt, which is a very fun thing to do.

Dad and Jason hanging the hardware for the new miniblinds and curtains

My beautiful curtains! Love!

The 2-sided bumper that took my mom until 2:00 a.m. on Saturday to finish...those little ties took a LOT of time! Also a beautiful afghan that my mom's co-worker made for me. It matches perfectly! My mom is still working on the baby's quilt, but I got to see a few squares and they are ADORABLE. Can't wait to see the final product!
The crib, all finished! The bedskirt is the same fabric as the inside of the bumper, with the stripe on the bottom that matches the curtains. The Boppy that I got also happens to match, so I stuck it in the crib for a picture, hah.

Decorations from my baby shower that just happened to match the fabric perfectly. I snagged them to hang above the crib instead of a mobile.

The computer corner. It's in the corner of the nursery opposite the crib. Works just fine for now, and probably will for a few months after baby is born, since s/he will be sleeping with us for awhile.

The furniture in the last picture (minus the chair) was mine growing up, and my great-grandma's before that! It's so awesome to have it still in the family. There's a bookshelf that goes with it, but we didn't bring it down this trip. I LOVE that this furniture matches our crib, and that our child will grow up with it, too.

I still have some things to hang on the walls (which are all bare right now), and we have a lot of things to unpack/put away. I'm super excited for how it's turned out so far, though!!

33 Weeks!

2011-06-29T20:50:00.001-05:00

As of today, 47 days until my "due date."

The Belly: ...has POPPED! At least, it feels that way to me. I had 2 people today comment that my belly has finally started filling out. My belly button is starting to pop out a little bit, which is cuteish, but mostly weird and slightly gross! haha. No one really needs to see the inside of their belly button.

Physically: Lots of BH contractions, but they aren't really bothersome. Towards the end of the day I start getting a little uncomfortable and feel pretty big, but nothing really to complain about. My hands and feet get swollen now after long walks, but not really bad. Rest and water afterwards make that go away pretty quickly.

Weight: I broke 150!!! Just barely, but I did. :) 21 pounds! hip hip hooray! I have been starving the last few days, so I would be shocked if I didn't gain any weight with how much I have been eating.

Food Aversons: Anything rich, and big meals.

Food Cravings: sweets! Ice cream, cupcakes, popsicles, even soda! (I can't remember the last time I actually drank soda).

Feeling: Great! I'm so thrilled that we're doing the nursery this weekend. I am still really enjoying being pregnant, and am happy and thankful that baby is healthy and a good size. I'm excited to meet this person, but I have to say, I wouldn't entirely mind if s/he stayed in there. hah! I know that sounds ridiculous, but my friend Christine (who is due a week before me) confirmed that I am not crazy, and she feels that way too. It's so nice to have this little friend with me all the time, warm and cozy in there, well cared for and happy. While I will of course be thrilled when we have the baby, part of me will be kind of sad, I think, too, that pregnancy is over. Watch, I'll probably be one of those crazy women who become basically addicted to being pregnant, and then we'll have 20 kids.

(just kidding mom, don't worry).

Baby: Moving around less, though still quite a bit. I'm not surprised, there's definitely less room in there. Some of the kicks and jabs kind of hurt, but nothing horrible. s/he still gets the hiccups multiple times a day, which is no longer cute. Sorry kid, it's just annoying. Other than that, baby is still in the exact same position s/he has been in almost the whole time. Head down, feet on my right side. I have only once felt the baby shift to feet on my left, and it lasted only for about 2 minutes. Then it flipped back the other way. It must be comfier that way, I guess!

Other: Have I mentioned that we are doing the nursery this weekend?! We're picking up the furniture and all of our baby stuff on Saturday, and my parents are coming down on Sunday to help us get everything set up. Then I will most likely spend all day on Monday organizing, cleaning, washing...sigh. I can't wait :)

We had maternity photos taken! Our friend Brad Leeb is an excellent photographer, and he did our photo shoot today at the Hallene Gateway on campus, and the Japanese Gardens. We got a preview of some of the shots and they look fabulous! Can't wait to see the final product.

Let the gestation continue.

Baby Rackow is perfect!

2011-06-27T22:21:00.000-05:00
Well, no one is perfect, but this baby is pretty close! We had our 32 week appointment on Friday, including an ultrasound to check the baby's growth since I have been measuring small for the last few weeks. Everything is great, and baby still did not reveal his or her gender :)

The sonographer made us nervous at first because she was very obviously questioning what my due date is...I reassured her that I know exactly when my due date is, thanks to FAM. Baby was head down, as s/he has been the whole time, and was very low down. I had to roll around on the table a few times and be tilted with my head towards the ground to try to get him or her to move out of my pelvis enough for a good head measurement. The baby opened it's eyes a double of times, and was also opening and closing it's mouth quite a bit. So cute! Heart rate was fast this time at 140.

At my appointment following the sonogram, the midwife checked over all the measurements and said that the baby looks great, is just on the small side. S/he is measuring in a the 29th percentile at only 3 lbs. 10 oz. The midwife said she would be surprised if our little one weighs more than 6.5 pounds at birth. Fine with me!! :)

Thank you to the many people who kept us in their prayers! We are blessed to have a healthy baby in there.

32 Weeks!

2011-06-22T21:57:00.002-05:00

As of today, 54 days until my "due date."

The Belly: Okay, so not that I don't love compliments, and appreciate that 99.9% of people who say "You look so small for being due in August" mean it in a GOOD way, I'm getting really, really tired of hearing it. Mostly because the more I hear it, the more I worry about baby Waffle. After hearing at 3 appointments in a row that I'm measuring small, and now having to have an extra sono to "make sure everything is okay," I don't want to look small anymore. I want more than anything in the world for this baby to be healthy and fine. I'm praying that the sonogram on Friday shows just that, but until then, here is my "small" belly:

Physically: Still feeling mostly good, aside from the "typical" pregnancy woes of being tired and puffy at the end of the day. I have been having an insane amount of Braxton-Hicks contractions the past couple of weeks, and they no longer are "caused" by anything. The first few I had were always after stretching, exercise, or "other activities"...ahem. Now they just happen sporadically and randomly throughout the day. They don't hurt, they just feel like my semi-squishy tummy turns into a bowling ball for about a minute or so. I am also finding myself less hungry, and fewer foods are sounding good. I'm definitely getting more hormonal, mood-swing type days too, but overall, I truly am feeling pretty good.

Weight: Still holding steady right under 150.

Food Aversons: Really, anything. I don't want to eat because I know the more I put in my body, the more I'm going to make me feel very full and less able to breathe. But, I eat because I know I need to.

Food Cravings: Not much, though I still do enjoy my ice cream :). See above.

Feeling: I am trying not to worry about the baby. We are praying and have faith that God is with our baby, putting him or her together perfectly, and that the sonogram on Friday will show nothing wrong at all. But, I am still worried a little bit. That's my primary "emotion" related to pregnancy right now, though I still am (of course) very excited and happy, and can't wait to meet this little one.

Baby: As of yesterday, the baby's movements are starting to feel a little more uncomfortable. Certain ways the baby moves almost hurt, but I am pretty sure it's just because the baby is getting bigger and has less room in there!

Other: As I write this, Jason is in the basement spraying "eco-friendly, not harmful to kids or pets" insect/spider killer, and within the last hour I have been mad at the dog twice (destroying a box of kleenex and a pen in the living room while we were gone, and not coming when called). So...certain things that I wrote about last time are going well, others are not. Hah.

Starting to think about hospital bag packing, what we still need to buy, and putting together a contact list for the hospital...lots of things that could potentially be last-minute, but I really want to be prepared for.

Warning: C-Section "discussion" to follow. Read at your own risk, and remember that it's my blog :)

Most of the people that read this blog probably know that we are hoping to have a natural (read: drug-free) labor and delivery. We are taking Bradley Birth classes, and feel relatively confident that we are as mentally and emotionally prepared as possible. BUT, we are (of course) aware that interventions exist and c-sections exist and some of them may become a reality for us. And, obviously, our #1 goal in this whole thing is to have a healthy baby and healthy mom, regardless of how that ends up happening.

Jason asked me in the car today how I would feel about myself if I had to have a c-section. I think it probably would depend on the circumstances of it.

If we went for our sonogram on Friday and something was clearly wrong with the baby, and they needed to do a c-section "now" at 32.5 weeks, I would panic and freak out and cry hysterically and ask for a second opinion, but would certainly NOT be disappointed in myself if we had to have that done for the health and safety of our baby. (Not that I think that's going to happen, but I would be lying if I said the "what if" thought hadn't crossed my mind).

If I was full term and laboring fine on my own, but then decided that maybe I was uncomfortable and wanted an epidural, which maybe would lead to pitocin, which maybe would lead to the ever-too-common chain of events up to a c-section, I would probably be pretty disappointed in myself.

If I was laboring naturally, and doing well, and then all of a sudden the baby started showing problems, and the quickest and best solution would be to do a c-section, I would probably be sad and emotional at the prospect of not getting to experience a vaginal birth, but not disappointed in myself.

If I absolutely HAD to be induced for being "overdue" and that lead to a c-section (inductions have a higher rate of c-sections), I would be pissed at my providers for telling me I had to be induced, but I wouldn't be disappointed in myself, since I know that there is a higher chance of that happening with induction. I take that back--I would be disappointed in myself for consenting to an induction, knowing that there is probably a natural reason for my baby to not have come yet.

If I scheduled a c-section out of convenience, I would tell you to check me into a mental institution because I clearly would not be in my right mind.

If I had to schedule a c-section due to a breech baby, I would be really mad at the medical community for no longer training doctors and midwives to deliver breech babies vaginally, and would probably be a little disappointed in myself wondering if I did enough exercise/tried everything I could to get the baby to turn.

Yes, I have thought about all of these situations. And, I'm actually glad that I have. They are all possible realities (except scheduling a c/s out of convenience), and I think I should be mentally prepared for them just in case.

But, we're still hoping to have a natural birth. You may think I'm crazy for that, but that's okay, it's not your body or baby :)

3 years ago...

2011-06-20T22:16:00.000-05:00

...and here we are today!

It's been a whirlwind, and has gone so quickly. New job, new house, a dog, quitting job, baby on the way...life goes by quickly, but I'm glad we are doing it together.

Happy Anniversary to us!

31 Weeks!

2011-06-15T13:59:00.002-05:00
61 days until "due" date.

The Belly: ...is measuring 2 weeks small, still, as of my 30 week appointment on Friday. So, I got what I wanted (unfortunately), and am scheduled for another ultrasound at my 32 week appointment next Friday. They want to check and make sure baby is not experiencing a growth restriction, and that my fluid levels are okay. I'm not too worried, since the baby moves alllllll the time. Plus, I was a relatively smallish baby (around 7 pounds), and am not that big of a person. But anyway, here's the belly (please excuse the weird lighting):

Physically: I'm getting tired. Not tired of being pregnant, just tired. I wake up tired, don't have much energy at any point in the day, and go to bed tired. I'm also experiencing a lot more of the pregnancy discomforts I've heard about. My lungs are clearly getting smooshed, as normal breathing is becoming more laborious. (ha. laborious. labor. get it...?). I've noticed that I have to stop and catch my breath more in the last week, and I feel best when I'm on my hands and knees and everything can just sort of hang down. My stomach is also getting squished, made apparent by my inability to eat any significant portion of anything. Also, today has been my first real experience with sciatic pain. And let me just say, wow. I was fine, and then all of a sudden I could barely walk, and even driving hurts. I went to the chiropractor this morning, but I'm not noticing a huge difference yet. I'm hoping that goes away soon, because it is a pain both literally and figuratively.

So, yes, this is a more complain-y post than previously, but, it's the truth.

Weight: 148-149, depending on the scale and time of day. woohoo! I'm up 20 pounds now, so that's great :) At what other point in my life do I get to celebrate gaining weight? none!

Food Aversons: Really, anything. I don't want to eat because I know the more I put in my body, the more I'm going to make me feel very full and less able to breathe. But, I eat because I know I need to.

Food Cravings: Not much, though I still do enjoy my ice cream :). See above.

Feeling: tired. I know I mentioned that before, but that was physically. I'm also feeling emotionally and mentally tired. I know I have quite a few more things to do before the baby comes, and it's sort of just wearing me out to think about it. But, I am also very excited the closer we get to meet this little person.

I've been working on getting motivated about labor and delivery, and I think it's working! I'm starting to feel more empowered, and know that God is going to give me exactly what I need and meet me where I'm at, no matter what the situation is. I know that I am going to have a baby one way or another, and that's a huge accomplishment, no matter how the birth goes! So I'm starting to feel more excited and powerful when I think about what I'm going to be doing before too long.

Baby: Kicks, jabs, punches, and rolls. It's back and butt are curved around the left side of me, and it's legs and feet are on the right side of me. It's so neat to poke my stomach and feel an actual body part in there. (It's also kind of creepy sometimes if you really think about it, but I try not to really think about that.) S/he still gets the hiccups all the time, which is still cuteish but also annoyingish. Again, though, it's a good sign of functioning swallowing mechanisms, kidneys, bladder, and lungs. yay baby!

Other: THE NURSERY IS GOING TO BE DONE THE FIRST WEEKEND IN JULY!!!! Can you tell I'm excited about that?? We're going to get the furniture and all the "stuff" from my parent's house, and then they are coming down with us to help transform the office into a nursery. We're probably going to leave the computer in here at least at first, since the baby will be mostly sleeping in our room, but we'll see. Anyway, I'm totally excited to actually have a date that my nursery will be done. Then I can start washing clothes and diapers, organizing and cleaning things like I have been dying to do.

On the downside of things, our house has become infested with spiders. Well, not infested, persay, but we have killed 5 in the last 2 days. No joke. Only one has been in the main part of the house, the rest have been in the basement, but they better get the heck out before this baby comes!

We are fed up with our inability to control our dog, and have reached the crucial point where we have to make some changes. We've written down some agreed-upon goals to whip this dog into shape (not literally) by the time baby comes. Hopefully we can get Mojo under control...

Lastly, I only have 5.5 more weeks of work. What?! Can you believe it? I can't. I'm sad and happy all at the same time. But, I do have a ton of stuff to get done in those few weeks before baby! Bring on the SAHM time :)

Indy Trip

2011-06-07T21:48:00.000-05:00

Last weekend we went to Indianapolis for a babymoon/Jason's birthday/our anniversary. We contemplated going on a fancier vacation, but decided against spending the money on something like that. Our weekend away was definitely worth it! Our awesome friend Joanna house/dog-sat for us, which was a huge help. We love our precious pup, but it was nice to get away from him for a few days!

Friday night we went to a dinner theatre called Beef and Boards to see Cinderella. We were about the only people there in our age group...everyone else was families with little-girls-turned-princess, or people that have AARP cards. But, all that aside, it was fun. The food was very good, and the show was pretty funny. The two step-sisters were played by (very manly) men, and they stole the show, hands down. The show was pretty short, only about an hour and a half including the intermission. I missed some of the "classic" parts of Cinderella, like the mice and their "Cinderelly" song, but it was a good summary of the whole story in such a short amount of time.

We stayed at the Marriot downtown in Indy, which was really close to most things we wanted to do. It was a lovely hotel, and the staff there were great to work with and very helpful. The only bummer was that their pool was broken and we had to go across the alley to swim at a neighboring hotel if we wanted to. Other than that, though, the hotel was very nice and was a great getaway. The bed was suuuper comfy and squishy, and we could have probably slept all day if let ourselves! We also ordered room service for the first time in my life, and had a great pizza at midnight!

On Saturday, our friends Courtney and Matt joined us for a morning at the zoo. I'm kicking myself for not getting a picture of the 4 of us together, but there are still some good ones.
Jason got to touch a tiger!
We all got to touch sharks (for real!)

Courtney wasn't super keen on the idea of touching a shark :)
Mr. Shark had a booger.

Our first picture actually together!

The zoo also had an orchid exhibit, which was amazing to see. Jason and I have a current fascination with orchids since we have started taking care of one in our own house and haven't killed it yet!

There are a zillion more zoo pictures, but I won't bore you to death. After the zoo, we all went to Friday's and pigged out big time. Jason got sung to for his birthday (I didn't have my camera, bummer), and we all ate a huge dessert of strawberry shortcake. Yum!

After a nice long nap and a short swim, Jason and I decided to go to the IMAX theatre around the corner from our hotel. It was beautiful out, so we walked there...unfortunately for us we did not check the weather forecast before we left! We enjoyed seeing Pirates of the Caribbean 4 in 3D on IMAX, but did NOT enjoy the severe thunderstorm that greeted us when we came out! Luckily for us, Jason had a whopping $6 with him, which just barely covered a taxi ride 3 blocks back to our hotel in the midst of a horrible storm. Kudos to the hotel for calling us a cab when I called them to ask about a shuttle to get us back, which they didn't have. We got back to the hotel and enjoyed a yummy room service pizza late at night.

Jason by the pond at the Art Museum
Sunday morning we slept in nice and late, then checked out of our hotel by 11:00. We went to the Indy art museum, which had beautiful outdoor gardens that we got to walk through. They also had a great exhibit that Jason really wanted to see called "Hard Truths: The art of Thornton Dial." The art was made by a black man who started creating in his 60's. All of his art is reflective of the race struggle or his experiences growing up poor in the deep south. The cool part is that his art is similar to the style that Jason does. They use "found objects" and basically garbage to create an amazing inspirational piece of art. Jason felt both inspired and frustrated when he left, but it was a great exhibit nonetheless. The rest of the art museum was pretty anti-climactic for me, but I'm not a huge art fiend. Plus I was exhausted from the day before, and really did not want to walk around all day. But, I survived, and Jason loved the whole thing being the artist that he is.

We came home Sunday afternoon, and I slept the entire car ride, which I definitely needed! We both enjoyed having Monday off work as well, and spent the day working around the house and relaxing. It was a great long-weekend vacation!

30 Weeks!

2011-06-07T20:39:00.000-05:00

69 days left. Holy. Cow.

The Belly: Definitely "popped out" the last few weeks. By the end of the day it feels like there is no way it can stretch or grow anymore than it has. My lungs are getting squished, my stomach is getting squished, and I can't believe this baby is going to at least double in size from here until the end, hopefully a little more than that. Yikes! Someone at work today said, "Woah, Jill, you're looking very pregnant!" Why yes, yes I am. Shouldn't I by now? :)

Physically: The restless leg thing can really go away anytime. I'm doing okay, but most nights I have to realllly focus on progressive relaxation for my legs to stop squirming. Indigestion is also popping up, big time, basically no matter what I eat. Luckily it's not too bad, and I can usually handle it without taking Tums! I've also noticed a lot more spider veins in my legs (lovely), and the phenomenon my mom warned me about: "My legs got a lot more lumpy when I was pregnant!" Yes, that's happening too. Why, I am not sure, but cellulite must be just another lovely side effect of growing life, I guess! Oh, the joy.

Weight: Down a pound this week...not sure what that's about except I've done a LOT of walking the last week due to vacation in Indy and just trying to make a concerted effort to get exercise. I also just haven't been as hungry, but whatever. I feel okay, which is most important, I guess!

Food Aversons: Heavy, rich things, still. And super spicy things. Anything that causes the all-too-common-these-days-indigestion.

Food Cravings: ICE CREAM!!! I can't get enough. I had two bowls today, alone! Yummy. It's protein and calcium, right?

Feeling: Starting to get a lot more nervous. We did 30 minutes of "labor practice" at the Bradley class last night, trying different positions and having our coaches (husbands) support us verbally and physically. I was overwhelmed by the end of it, almost to tears. Labor is so hard, and can be so long, and I've seen so many women reach that breaking point. I'm just nervous about the pain, I guess. I can say, "I know it hurts, but you're doing so well!" to as many women as I want, but it's a lie...I don't know that it hurts, I've never experienced that pain. I'm really getting nervous about it. BUT, I also know that I am perfectly capable of handling the pain if I choose to be. It's going to be a total mental game, and I'm praying that I'll be able to handle it.

Baby: This child gets the hiccups an INSANE amount. At least 2 times a day. It was cute at first, but now it's just getting kind of bothersome! Plus, I feel bad for the poor thing. I hear it's a sign of strong lungs though, so yay for that. The baby is definitely head down, which I can tell because of where I feel different body parts, and where the hiccups are. S/he also definitely prefers the right side of my body...I hardly ever feel any body parts over on my left side, but I always am getting kicked and jabbed on the right. I wonder if that means s/he will be right handed? Who knows, I'm just making that up.

I really want to have another ultrasound. I couldn't see much on the first one, and I'm dying to see my little baby again! My friend works at the pregnancy resource center in town, and she said I could come in and get one done, so I may just take her up on that.

Other: Nothing I can think of...

The most pee I have ever seen.

2011-06-03T09:40:00.000-05:00
Last night was a bad night, folks, relatively speaking of course. It certainly wasn't the Joplin tornado or 9-11, but it was a bad night for the Rackow household.

We went to bed around midnight after a late night game of popcorn and scrabble, knowing we did not have to get up for work this morning since we're going on a mini-vacation this weekend. Around 3:30 or 4:00 a.m., Mojo came and jumped in bed with us, which is usual. He was being annoying though, so I kicked him off. Rather than just going back over to the couch to sleep the rest of the night like he usually does, he came over and started sniffing me. About two seconds later, I heard it. I was half asleep so I thought some appliance in our house had sprung a leak. NOPE! The dog had sprung a leak. All over our bedroom. Then the hallway, then the living room, then the entry way. He just sort of moseyed on over to the front door, peeing the whooooole way there. He stopped in the hallway to give an extra puddle there.

I realized what was happening and yelled for Jason to get up fast and get the dog outside. Chaos ensued as we were both in "pajamas" (underwear), and couldn't find the leash (which we left in the kitchen). Of course, to even get to the front door, we had to walk through pee, so that was sick.

Clean-up began. I soaked it up with a towel (literally, soaking through the towel). I have no idea how the dog had that much pee in his body. It was the most pee I have ever seen. Ever. Then I got a mop, and mopped the floor. But then I realized I probably had just pushed pee all over the floor, so I got a rag and got down on my hands and knees (7.5 months pregnant, mind you), and cleaned the whole floor on my hands and knees. By the time we got the laundry started, got ourselves cleaned up and got back to bed, it was 4:45.

As I climbed back in bed, I felt it. MORE PEE. ON OUR BED. He had peed through the comforter, blanket, and top sheet, thankfully not more than that.

(Side note: a point of contention in our house is whether or not we need more than one set of sheets. I want a second set, I'm told we don't need one.)

We needed a second set of sheets. We stripped the bed, piled the soiled stuff on the floor, and pulled random blankets out of the closet to sleep with. Of course we were both paranoid the rest of the night, so Jason took the dog out again around 6 am, and I took him out as soon as I was relatively conscious around 8:45. He seems fine now. I have no idea what happened.

Thank goodness we're going on a mini-vacation today!! And thank goodness for awesome friends like Joanna, who will be spending the weekend with our pee-headed dog. Good luck, Jo.

29 Weeks!

2011-06-02T12:51:00.000-05:00
11 weeks until my due date. That sounds SO SOON!

The Belly: Baby is still technically "small," which is fine with me, as long as s/he is healthy! I feel humongous though! I have never weighed this much in my life, and it's amazing to me how different I feel carrying this extra weight, despite the fact that it's baby and other good things.

Physically: I'm starting to get restless legs at night, which "they" say is common for 3rd trimester. The other night I slept only 4 hours because I couldn't stop moving my legs. I had to get up and take a hot bath at 12:30 a.m. to try and calm down because I was so tense and antsy feeling. I try using those moments to practice my Bradley class relaxation techniques. I just about want to get up and run a marathon though, because my legs are creepy-crawling so much. I feel like I want to run out of my skin! I'm hoping that settles down, soon.

Weight: Still around 146, so I am up 17 pounds from when I started. I feel good about that, but am a little worried because I don't feel like I'm eating more than when I got pregnant, and shouldn't I be eating like 500 extra calories at this point? I'm listening to my body's cues and eating when I'm hungry, but when I write it all out, I'm not eating that much. I AM eating mostly healthy foods (with the exception of my daily ice cream), though, so that makes me feel good that my baby is at least getting good nutrition!

Food Aversons: Heavy, rich things, still. And super spicy things. Anything that causes the all-too-common-these-days-indigestion.

Food Cravings: Anything cold, still! Also ice cream. I can't get enough. And I've been craving cake, too, but luckily haven't had access to a lot of that :)

Feeling: I'm starting to get a little more uncomfortable. Still loving pregnancy, but the baby is definitely getting bigger and more squished in there. Before, all of the baby was mostly right in front, and down low. Now I regularly feel body parts in my ribs and above my belly button. It makes me feel a little nauseous sometimes feeling so much movement in there, but I know it's a good thing!

Emotionally, I am REALLY working on "letting go" right now. I have no control over when or how this baby will come (well, very little control), and I have no control over when our house will sell. And that is okay. Because our God is good and he has great plans for us. I have to let go of the fact that everything will not be "perfect" when our little baby comes home from the hospital, and that will be just fine. Right? Right.
Baby: ...was turned sideways all week. S/he was in the perfect position at my last appointment, then decided to do some gymnastics and change that. I had a butt and feet in my ribs, and a head in the center of my belly for a few days. It was soo uncomfortable. I kept pushing at it, doing pelvic rocking and tons of walking hoping it would move, but to no avail. I'm pretty sure that it's back to head down today though, after my chiropractor appointment yesterday. I can feel a big blob right in the middle of my belly, though I still feel feet or something over near my ribs. Oh well, baby will figure itself out eventually.
Other: Can we say "nesting?!" man oh man. I used up all the labels in my label maker, and am pretty sure I am keeping Sterilite/Rubbermaid in business. Our basement has lovely labeled and stacked and organized bins in it, as well as the closets and bathrooms. I can't get our house clean enough or organized enough, it seems like. All in good time...

I was wrong.

2011-05-27T10:01:00.002-05:00
My mom read my tornado post. Apparently I was wrong...I wasn't in school when the Plainfield tornado happened. In fact, I was only 4. So, I guess that's NOT what made me so afraid of tornadoes.

I still do remember being in school during a tornado though....

Tornadoes

2011-05-25T20:24:00.000-05:00
This is sort of a stream of consciousness about tornadoes.

I am very afraid of tornadoes. VERY afraid of them. I don't know exactly why I am so terrified of them, when other people have much more normal outlooks on storms. I wonder if it had something to do with the tornado hitting Plainfield when I was little (nearish us...I remember sitting in the hallway of the school with a book over my head). I don't know if that has anything to do with it, or if it's just some crazy unnatural fear that I've picked up over time. Regardless, I hate them. I don't understand why God allows them to happen, frankly, but that's another blog post (or not). The horrible situation in Joplin doesn't help...seeing images of just how horrible tornadoes can be, and how much devastation they cause is awful. It breaks my heart knowing there are people missing, pets missing, and lives destroyed by WIND.

I'm currently sitting at WBGL with Jason. Well, not with Jason. He's on the air right now broadcasting the severe weather coverage, and I'm sitting in his office with the dog. We were sitting in a back room for awhile, when 3 different tornadoes were spotted in or near Champaign. I didn't want to be home alone, and knew the weather was coming, so I came over here before it hit. I can (pathetically?) say that I had my eye on the radar all day long, waiting for these fore-casted storms to hit. So far it doesn't sound like they've caused much damage, but the idea of them is so scary nonetheless. I was going to stop and get dinner on my way over here for us, but was so afraid of the menacing clouds that I just floored it to get here before the weather hit. I'm glad to be here, and glad to have the dog with us, too. I just can't imagine how terrifying it would be to be in a tornado, let alone be in one alone, pregnant, and unable to get the dog down the basement stairs. I'd probably lose it completely.

Anyway, I don't know what the purpose of this post is.

28 Weeks!!

2011-05-25T20:14:00.000-05:00

Hellooooo third trimester, and hellooooo OB appointments every 2 weeks now! WOAH!

The Belly: ...does NOT have stretch marks :) I was all worried over a few veins, thankfully. That's not to say I won't get them, but I'm keeping 2 different brands of belly butter in business right now, so I really hope to stave them off for as long as possible. I don't have a picture of 28 weeks right now because I left my camera at a friend's house in Monticello. Oops. This weekend, perhaps. I can tell you that my belly is measuring about 2 weeks small, even though it feels ginormous to me. Take that for what it's worth.
Physically: I am definitely pregnant, is all I can say. Sleeping is not really all that great, my hands and feet are swelling after any sort of outdoor exercise, I'm getting tired all the time, and my co-worker said I'm "walking different." I clarified to make sure I am not yet waddling, and she confirmed that it's not a waddle, just "different." Oh well. It will happen inevitably.

Weight: 145 by my scale, 146 by Carle's. The midwife said she'd like me to gain at least 20 pounds by the time baby is born, which I think I will have no problem doing, since I'm at 16-17 already. It feels crazy to gain this much weight. A group of women in an email group I'm part of have been talking about body image during and after pregnancy lately, and it's interesting to hear perspectives. It's sad that we've been so hammered by our culture to have this perfect body image that is impossible to achieve. I notice myself questioning if I look okay more now than before I was pregnant, and I hope that I don't pass on stupid superficial worries like that to my kids.

Food Aversons: Heavy, rich things.

Food Cravings: Anything COLD!!

Feeling: Good, overall. There are moments where I just want to cry, but I am chalking those up to hormones. I really do love being pregnant. It's so neat to have this little person always with me, hanging out :) I am also feeling so much love for this little person already. I know I posted much earlier in my pregnancy that I wasn't getting that "I love my baby already!" feeling, but I definitely have it now! I can't wait to meet this little person, but I know I will also miss having him/her inside, and this intimate relationship we already have.

I'm also feeling more and more nervous about actually having the baby. I have such a pathetic pain tolerance, so I'm really hoping I can ramp it up a bit for the big day, otherwise I fear I may be screaming for an epidural before I even realize it.

Baby: Baby's heart-rate was measuring in the high 130s at my appointment yesterday, and is head-down. I'm pretty sure it's been head down most of the time, because I can pretty easily feel the butt sticking out of my belly in various places. The baby is still moving around like crazy most of the time, which is very cool! Man, life is such a miracle, isn't it?!

Other: Our house is still for sale. But, that's okay. All in God's timing. Right? Right?! Right. We're making plans now to change the office into an office/nursery, and I'm drawing up plans where the furniture will go to make sure it will all fit (it looks like it will). We're so excited to be getting the furniture that I had in my room growing up, that was also my great-grandma's. It's beautiful! We're hoping to go up to my parent's house soon and pick it up. We're also in the process of really cleaning out the basement and garage to make more organized storage space, since we'll really need it with all the baby stuff and OUR stuff which we no longer have room for. So, that's fun.

I can't believe how close we're getting!